Advice please

[LVS2627]

Hi,

I've been in a 7 year relationship, we have a baby girl who is nearly 2 and we've been engaged for 3 years and looking to start planning our wedding.

I'm in a bit of a predicament. I have this guy friend who I've known since I was in high school. We've always got on really well and have always kept in contact through the years. In recent months weve got even closer and voicenote pretty much every day just friendly chat, nothing bad. I went to see him last weekend with a few of our old school friends and we had alot to drink and he confessed that he liked me. Nothing happened. I'd never cheat on my partner but since then my head is completely gone.

Me and my fiances relationship has gone really stale. We barely have time for ourselves anymore with having our little girl and you could say we take each other for granted. The spark appears to have gone and I'm not sure how to bring it back. We constantly bicker and argue and we're just not in a great place.

I really want things to work out with my finance but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been thinking alot more about my friend. I feel so guilty too even though I haven't acted on anything. I just feel so sad that it's got to this. :( me and my friend spoke after this conversation happened and he said he can't remember what he said as he was drunk. Awkward...

Any advice on how to stop crushing on someone and get the spark back in your relationship

Tbh op it sounds like it's perhaps time to call your relationship a day.

It sounds like it's been on its arse for a while.

You need to step back from your friend a bit either way too though. Whilst you sort things out with your current partner one way or another.

Well time to ask yourself if you want to stay with H for the rest of your life or not. That’s the first question.

If not then don’t waste anymore time or energy on a relationship you aren’t happy in.

If you do want to make a go of it then you need to speak to him about your needs, how you’d like to spend more time together - maybe a weekend away? See if things are salvageable.

I'm a Western woman. I don't have this problem.

If you really want to work on your relationship with your fiance, go NC with the friend. Your fiance cannot compete with something fresh and exciting, not bogged down with boring minutiae like who is putting out the bin, or cleaning the toilet.

Address the staleness. Maybe consider therapy? Even without a therapist, you and your fiance need to start working on your connection. Any relationship that is not fed, dies. What are you both doing to feed yours?

Throw yourself into making your family unit a fun place to be.

I think you should put the marriage on the long finger and see about some couple's counselling.

Hi @LVS2627 i think once you get the spark back in your current relationship you'll stop crushing on the other guy.
To get the spark back you could start with date nights even at home, cook dinner, watch a film, reminisce over good times.
Hope the above helps x

Agree in investing some time in your relationship, can you get a babysitter for a weekend away? You need to work on getting the spark back, or call it a day I guess. I’d leave the friend out of the equation. The grass isn’t always greener but i wouldn’t be marrying this guy when your relationship isn’t great.

Agree with this. The grass is greener where you water it. If you left your DH and got with friend, eventually that relationship would plateau too. It's not meant to be shiny and new all the time, it's meant to be safe and comfortable.