What's normal amount of contact after a date?

[averywittyusername]

I realise that I have no idea what's a normal amount of follow up contact after a date with someone I've met online.

I matched with someone about a week ago, we chatted on the phone Wednesday and met up yesterday, had a lovely day walking to a pub and he went home afterwards. He said he'd had a great time and wanted to meet up again, I sent him a witty message about something we had in common, while he was still on the train, he sent a brief message back and said thanks for a lovely day. I said I was looking forward to continuing our conversation, he gave the message a thumbs up. I messaged him this afternoon to ask how his journey home was last night ,and to ask if he wanted to walk again next weekend (he'd really enjoyed the walk) .. he said he was busy next weekend (going away with family) but perhaps the weekend after.. and it just all seems a bit meh!

For context, I met my previous boyfriend online, first time online for us both, and he bombarded me with messages and calls when we first met (I loved it, fell very hard for him) and we couldn't stay away from each other from very early days. Then he brutally dumped me out of the blue after a three year relationship. I'm wondering in retrospect if he had covert narcissistic tendencies, it doesn't really matter now but might go some way to explain how he idealised me then discarded me and that it wasn't a normal relationship dynamic. I'm still trying to get him out of my head a year later (even though, objectively, he wasn't that great)

I've had lots of OLD matches & meetups, none have interested me even though I've tried to force myself to 'fancy' them. Last night was the first time I've actually had a real interest and excitement about someone. Is his level on contact normal, or is he just "not that into me"? I know strangers on the internet can't answer that, but I'm about to write him off and move onto more swiping .. because he's not messaging me with updates and witty banter 😭

I'm very conscious that things are too full on too fast if you need to message every day. Especially after just one date. It's too much imo

If a date isn't followed up by daily messages (not zillions every few minutes, perhaps just one or two short ones) it's probably not going anywhere. I've dated lots of people over the years, both online and not, and if someone can't even be bothered to say "hi" once each day then it's a sure sign things are fizzling out...

A first date has NEVER progressed into a relationship (7 people) with me when one or other of us hasn't been bothered to message daily (with the odd exception of something had happened)... never.

If a date isn't followed up by daily messages (not zillions every few minutes, perhaps just one or two short ones) it's probably not going anywhere

This just isn't true. It happens like that for some people. You have a date, you enjoy it, you get on with your life and a day or 3 goes by, then you send a message. Everybody's different. We don't all have to be pinging each other all the time. Some couples who are together don't send messages every day.

No such thing as normal amount totally depends on a person. I had a thread on here with everyone advising me that the man I met must have been married to have reacted to me in the way he originally had. Thank god I dismissed all that advice 😂😂

I had a start very similar to this, wondered if he wasn't that interested and thought he was maybe a bit too "buttoned up" for me.
3 years in and it's wonderful, he just hates texting is a bit shy initially and I still get very few messages if he's away but it doesn't matter as in person he is 100% perfect for me.
See what happens on the next date but as with all old, don't build it up into anything too soon, just enjoy your life, enjoy some of dates and see where it goes,this one took me by surprise 😁

Maybe that's just me then... and maybe I just attract people who like daily contact if we're not meeting!

I can't imagine going on a date and really liking the other person, and then not bothering to message for days.

It's many many people, @gerbilcrocus , it's not everybody, though. That's all

See I'd suspect was insecure if they had to speak to me every day.

There might be exception like maybe if you just send a eachother funny/date conversation relevant meem every day to brighten eachothers day or something. ...but even that would probably be a bit much for me if we'd only had a date or two.

Personally if I had to use the thumbs up (of which i v rarely do!) it would be because I wasn’t wanting/expecting a reply and was shutting it down.
It wouldn’t give me the impression he was particularly interested.
My 1st date was lovely, before while chatting & on the date..he did contact me the same day and ask to see me again which is good. However he said ‘I’d be up for seeing you again’..not ‘my’ opinion of the best worded way to ask BUT he’s coming out of his shell and I like the non overly confident bit of him so time will tell!

I think you sound a bit full on and needy.

But that's about your opinion of how you would like a partner to behave. That's not about OP. It's your parameters. We get to set our own, and OP gets to set hers without being labelled. Someone might think you sounded cold and distant. What does it matter? You are who you are, and someone else's label doesn't tell you anything.