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Original poster

Dating/Ghosting

14 replies

Slowlylosingmymind123 · 23/04/2023 18:05

Hi really just looking for some advice on this one please as I really don't know what to do/think...
Met a guy on Tinder in January and we hit it off. He explained that he still lived with his ex as his son is doing GCSE's and they had decided to sell the house after so as not to disrupt him-I thought this was a bit odd but have friends who did the same so understood.
This guy was lovely, sweet, attentive, put A LOT of effort into dates. He clearly wasn't a serial dater as he was nervous didn't even kiss me until the fourth date.
Our fifth date was great and he talked about how next time we should book a night away which I agreed to-that was a month ago.
The week after he seemed quieter than usual, he said work was extremly busy and he was stressed (he owns a very successful company) the week after again he was quiet, I asked him if he would like to see me that Saturday night and he said he was away with his son that weekend.
The next week he was again quiet, I asked what was wrong he said that he was having issues with his ex, his son and working 12 hour days. I said shall we leave this for now as it seems that you have a lot on your plate he said he'd be ok to date and was free wednesday evening and Saturday. I said I was going to Devon Saturday and did he want to come, he said yes so I booked a hotel. Cut to wednesday and he said he had to work late and would be unable to meet up. I said ok see you Saturday. I text him friday to finalise plans and got nothing back from him! I went to Devon alone. I've still heard nothing from him. I'm not sure what to think and have a million different scenarios running through my head. My friend thinks he's still with his ex but I really don't know.
I haven't text him again as didn't want to look needy but it's killing me not knowing-why would he agree to go and let me book if he had no intention of coming? Should I text him saying how rude I think he is?

OP posts:
LiliLil · 23/04/2023 18:23

Block him, don’t give him the satisfaction of texting him.

Maybe he’s still with his wife, maybe he’s just a dick but standing you up like that after you paid for a hotel is disgusting. Walk away with your head high and dignity intact. Your silence is powerful.

Lockheart · 23/04/2023 18:24

It sounds like he just had too much on his plate and he dealt with it very poorly.

I wouldn't bother having a go at him and keeping the channel of communication open - I would just block and move on.

It sounds like you were going to Devon anyway, you said you were going and invited him to join - so it wasn't a case of him letting you book, you'd have needed a hotel anyway! Don't think of it as a wasted weekend, think of it as a trip you were going to enjoy regardless of his presence.

Original poster
Slowlylosingmymind123 · 23/04/2023 18:45

Thank you both. I agree that not texting is probably the best thing to do but it hurts that he could do that.
I was going anyway but booked a bigger room in a nicer more expensive hotel because he said he was coming. I realise now this was very stupid of me

OP posts:
Speedweed · 23/04/2023 18:48

In my experience, when someone meets someone who they think is wonderful, they very quickly get their shit together and quietly tidy up loose ends - so exes are told of the new girfriend, get moved out, divorces get initiated etc - because they don't want to lose this amazing person or do anything to put them off.

Wankers however, always have complicated arrangements with exes, waste the limited time they have with their new girlfriend spinning long, sad tales about why the situation can't change, and expect the new woman to fit quietly round the demands of the 'ex'. Or to give her her real title, wife.

Jingleballsup · 23/04/2023 19:00

Speedweed · 23/04/2023 18:48

In my experience, when someone meets someone who they think is wonderful, they very quickly get their shit together and quietly tidy up loose ends - so exes are told of the new girfriend, get moved out, divorces get initiated etc - because they don't want to lose this amazing person or do anything to put them off.

Wankers however, always have complicated arrangements with exes, waste the limited time they have with their new girlfriend spinning long, sad tales about why the situation can't change, and expect the new woman to fit quietly round the demands of the 'ex'. Or to give her her real title, wife.

This.

DatingDinosaur · 23/04/2023 22:18

Jesus christ, yes OP, text him. Give him both barrels about what an arsehole you think he is for behaving like he has. Plus, I’d get some reference in there about his ex/not ex wife being oblivious to the fact that they are separated. Don’t tell him how it’s made you feel though, but otherwise, don’t hold back. Get it off your chest.

Then block him.

I’m reading between the lines here but he backed off once you’d spent the night together, yes?

Original poster
Slowlylosingmymind123 · 23/04/2023 23:01

Nope. There was lots of kissing and some touching on the last date but we hadn't actually slept together. It was definitely on the cards for next time though

OP posts:
gerbilcrocus · 24/04/2023 06:51

@Lockheart

It sounds like he just had too much on his plate and he dealt with it very poorly.

If he was as interested as he was in his initial dates, he wouldn't have treated the OP like this, whatever was on his plate! He may have had to withdraw a bit
If shit was hitting the fan but he wouldn't have all but ghosted her.

Original poster
Slowlylosingmymind123 · 28/04/2023 11:08

Update!
He text this morning saying this...

Hi ,
I have been a dick for the past few weeks. I’m sorry. My actions were shitty and not decent at all. Not going to make excuses.
I am sorry.

I think I should just ignore it. Don't understand why he'd suddenly do that though unless he's genuinely sorry or just seeing if I'll still speak to him?

OP posts:
LiliLil · 28/04/2023 11:11

IGNORE!!

He’s trying to see if you’re still interested because it’s not worked out with whoever else he was shagging.

DO NOT give him the green light to treat you like this, keep your self respect and ignore. Seriously.

Watchkeys · 28/04/2023 12:18

You don't have to understand why he's done what he's done. It will never make sense to you because you would never do that to somebody. It's not in your realm of understanding, and that's a good thing.

Just ignore him, and block if he keeps messaging. It's over. In the past. Keep it that way.

Blossomandbee · 28/04/2023 13:24

Urgh get rid. He wants you on the back burner and is testing to see how much he can get away with. Block and delete.

Deathbyfluffy · 28/04/2023 13:26

Block and run, he sounds like an idiot.

Original poster
Slowlylosingmymind123 · 28/04/2023 13:31

Thank you all. Agree and will block him now

OP posts:
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