Dont think husband loves me any more

[Oldlady62]

I was really ill late last year. In hospital for a week.
Since Ive been out I still dont feel right. Undergoing tests for one thing or another. I feel tired and off colour most of the time. I look awful too.
Im back at work but its not doing me any good. I do 10 hour shifts . Boss says only solution is to work shorter days but add a day. No thankyou.
Hubby has been snippy with me since I came home. Says things like...theres always something with you ...when I say Im knackered. So ive stopped telling him.
He makes comments that arent nice and I dont say anything as it takes me aback at times.
I often think hes snappy as we dont have sex very often but who wants sex with a grumpus ?

All this is making me more depressed than Ive been feeling of late. I feel old and ugly and totally unloved.

I havent spoken to anyone about it. My friends and family have problems of their own and I dont want to burden them. I also wouldnt know how to start.

We have a holiday next month and part of me is dreading being with hubby for 2 weeks !!!!

Your DH doesn’t sound very nice or supportive. Has he always been like that it is this a recent change?

That's not good, is it? If you are feeling like that, it must really get you down without his help.
Any chance of finding another job or getting more sick leave?
Think about confiding in your friends and family. When people have problems themselves, they are often actually quite pleased to talk about something else for a change, and feel as if they can be a bit helpful too.

So ive stopped telling him.

You're changing your behaviour in the hope of avoiding his.

How was he when you were in hospital?

Can you say any more about these comments he makes to you?

What's he like on your birthdays?

When I was in hospital he visited twice a day . Brought me fresh clothes etc.
He doesnt say anything specific .....he calls it banter and not to get so upset . Told him I dont appreciate it whatsover.
My last birthday was crap come think about it. Didnt send flowers like he usually does but once I told him I was upset he sent me some to where I work.

I cant take anymore time off. Ive used up all my sick leave . Cant afford not to work sadly. Im off for a couple of weeks soon. Just counting the days.

In addition to this my son didnt visit when I was sick. No one sent a card apart from one lady I work with.

I feel invisible and uncared for .

Im not an unpleasant person. People say I make them laugh every day but Im so sad inside. For my job Im public facing so have to paste the smile on.

I have no real friends to speak of. Work mates yes but outside of that no one . Im not a joiner I guess. So clubs etc dint interest me

Never known anyone to moan that no one sent them a get well card when they were in hospital, Mayb u r depressed.

Visiting twice a day sounds quite attentive.

Is it possible he's got compassion fatigue? He seems to have gone all out whilst you were in hospital and visiting twice a day is knackering (the hospitals closest to me are at least a 45 minute drive!).
Both myself and my husband have long term health conditions and to be honest when we start moaning about them in conversation we usually zone each other out, we are not being awful but there are only so many times you can listen about the same ache and pain, it gets very tiresome.
The banter thing sounds like he's trying to lighten the mood and judging the reception incorrectly, has he stopped now you have told him you don't like it?

The hospital about ten mins away.
I get about the moaning .
The comments he makes are not amusing . They are hurtful . Im worried about my health and the scans and investigations Ive had werent pleasant.
He makes little snips about lack of sex but who wants it when you in pain and your partner has been nasty

Don’t gaslight yourself or let other posters gaslight you. You don’t feel loved or cared for by your dh. Thats not because you are depressed or making a mistake its because his style and his words are making you insecure at a difficult time.

I'm not gaslighting anyone, it's called offering a different perspective.

I agree. He not helping at a time where I am worried sick. I thought I was going to die. Was very septic . Dont think he realises how ill I was. You not kept in hospital for a week for nothing. He thought I should have been in work the day after I got out !

You do sound as if you could be depressed to me - might be worth getting that checked out with your GP too - but that doesn't mean you are wrong about your dh's comments.

Is there anything else you could do to help yourself feel physically better - long baths, massage, fresh air and sunshine, getting more sleep, not doing chores?
And to help you cope mentally - if you don't have friends and your dh and son are not helping - do you know if there's a local "mood café" or similar place where you can talk to people? Or phone a helpline? https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/helplines-listening-services/

If you do feel like something has changed in your dh and he's not on your team, it might be a good idea to seek out more social activities just so you get out and see friendly faces. I did that when my exh started to distance himself from me and it was a useful distraction. We broke up when I was 45 and since then I've actually made more friends - wish I'd concentrated more on that when I was married, but in my experience it's not too late.