How did you know your marriage was over?

[Summerflowers23]

Especially if there was no abuse, affairs etc? We are in a bad place (and have been for years) but it’s so hard to know whether to keep trying - again and again… we both know if we had no kids it would likely have ended long ago.

Many things but when I thought of retirement with him and the kids grown up and gone, I was filled with horror! Not a bad man, we're just incompatible (and other issues).

When the negatives outweighed the positives. On reflection, there were absolutely no positives. No screaming, shouting or overt abuse just felt he was irredeemably foul in a covert way. Also the thought of empty nest and retirement gave me shudders. Knowing I would never be able to have sex with him ever again. Good luck OP

For me the realisation I just don’t want to have sex with him again, no longer feel attracted to him. He’s been a bit controlling at times, but is generally not a bad person. We have recently separated but still in same house till we sell. He keeps asking if we can have sex again (he knows I no longer love or fancy him) which is really sad as I know he still loves me.
We are trying to keep things amicable till ds finishes exams then will tell dc.
Its very sad, but the best I can hope for is that was can amicably coparent going forward, and that he can find someone who loves him in the way that I don’t

Someone asked me how would I feel if he had an affair. My first thought was “great! At least he would leave me alone for a while”.

I had started enjoying a lot the time off I had when he was traveling for work. We were friends until years after the split, but he had became “my son” and he was a lot of work.

Looking back, we both wanted to leave but neither of us wanted to be the executor of the marriage as compared to most marriages we were not that bad but, we had already fallen out of love.

There is a book that may help you, I have not read it but it is called Too Good to Leave, Too had to Stay.

if it helps you in your decision, it was far far more difficult to take the decision to leave than dealing with the consequences of it.

When he left for a week and I felt peace and was content and didn't miss him at all. The house was calm. No arguments. Was nice and tidy. Just felt like the right thing.

Now 8 months later and I'm still absolutely sure it's been the right thing. Kids are all good. It hasn't been without its issues but it's definitely been the right decision.

Now with distance I can miss things that we shared but overall, I'm so glad we finally split. There have been quite a few stressful things to deal with over the last 3 months and together it would have been 10x worse. Life is actually easier without him.

23 years together and 3 kids so it wasn't an easy decision.

When I started googling ‘I hate my husband’ ……..

He was a narcissist and a sex pest.
I tried really hard but every time we had an argument I was told to “eff off and join a nunnery” or he’d say “I want a divorce!”
After a particularly bad Christmas it was my pivot point, my watershed, I knew I had to take him at his word and call his bluff so I quietly set about finding another place to live. I confirmed with the Building Society I could get a mortgage in my own name and looked at houses in my lunch break.
I felt so empowered when I told him I’d had an offer accepted and everything was going through. He was shaken to the core. He went white!
There were no 3rd parties involved. I’d just had a guts full and he wasn’t seeing the writing on the wall. They never do!
I would rather have slept in a cardboard box in a High Street doorway than spend more time with him than necessary. Worked for me. Happy days!

When I had some iffy news from the hospital and went to call him and just knew he wouldn't even pick up.

I didn't even bother trying to call him usually because I could sooth myself with 'you never know, he might have answered'.

It suddenly dawned on me that if I was to be really sick and need him he wouldn't be there for me.

I went home, packed my things and left a note for him. He never even called/text, it was seriously just that easy to walk out of his life after 6 years.