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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I keep trying with DP and DC or give up?

6 replies

TorviShieldMaiden · 23/04/2023 11:31

I’ve been with DP for 2 years, I have 2dc, 10 and 13. They first met him after about 7 months, but it was very gradual, meeting in days out etc. I didn’t force it, they were curious to meet him. He doesn’t have children (not by choice, infertility).

To not make this too long, almost every time we do something all together it is hard work. My dc become very hyper, a bit “showy offy”, and their sibling bickering ramps right up and often ends in fighting and disaster. I should add that 10yr old is autistic. We had a disastrous trip last year with lots of meltdowns, fighting and general bad behaviour (not all autism related).

I can see that this is probably them pushing boundaries a bit, maybe testing him? Sussing him out a bit? But I know he’s finding it really hard. I’m beginning to think we might be at a point where we/he says it won’t work. Because yes we can carry on seeing each other without them, but I suppose future wise in a few years (at least 2) we’d hoped to live together.

Any advice? Keep trying casual hanging out, and hope it gets better? Give up?

OP posts:
TorviShieldMaiden · 23/04/2023 11:33

I should add he’s not critical, he is clear to me that he doesn’t have children and therefore can’t possible comment/judge parenting. He’s says I know them best and what works. I know my parenting is different to traditional because of dc autism and demand avoidant. Which I think I’m already self conscious of as I’ve had comments from strangers before (and ex) about being soft on them.

OP posts:
IslamicLaw · 24/04/2023 00:11

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BearFacedCheekGrylls · 24/04/2023 00:26

Ignoring Stepford there

in afraid I don’t have any advice, just wanted to be vaguely supportive in the face of BIgotry

Clymene · 24/04/2023 00:33

How many times have they met him?

I'd scale it right back and try and keep meetings very low key - hanging round at home on a school night rather than days out.

IslamicLaw · 24/04/2023 00:33

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Deathraystare · 24/04/2023 11:19

My brother had a shit time of it in the beginning with his step children. That is because of the mother who he has now divorced but he does now have a good relationship with the children, plus the two he had with her. She really was a gold star C U next Tuesday!!

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