Marriage literally just ended

[gillys]

So. I asked him to go last night. He did. He’s been back this morning for some of his stuff.
Been together 19 years, married 16. Has been up & down for a while. Separated very briefly 3 years ago, reunited & had counselling. Worked for a while.
He makes lots of promises to make an effort but they never last. He was always moody , could love me to bits & couldn’t be nicer or miserable just horrible to me. The good times are what kept me going.
I know this is the right decision but it’s soooo hard & hurts.
Please offer some support.

Give yourself time to be sad, wallow, and to grieve the relationship but always keep in mind why you ended it and use that to drive you forwards to a happier life.

It is hard and it does hurt, even though you know it was for the best. It's so difficult when there have been good times but when they're outweighed by the bad times then you know what the right thing to do is.

Cliched, but time will help and you will start to feel better about your decision. Just keep remembering why you ended it and look forward to good times without him.

How much of a shock is it?? And how do you feel now??

@something2say I feel devastated. This is my second marriage. Can’t believe another one has failed.
We often talked about splitting up but we never went through with it because we still love each other. He’s always said he doesn’t know how he’ll manage without me.
Its a shock that we’ve finally done it.

I’m sorry. Do you work, will this help as a bit of a distraction over the next few weeks?

You can love someone but just not be able to live with them. You're allowed to still admit to some love (it won't just go overnight), but not to love his behaviour, or the way he makes you feel.

You are entitled to be treated decently 100% of the time.

Feel for you op, give yourself time to grieve the loss of a marriage throws up allsorts of feelings, take time out do nice things for yourself, remember why you did it. You just need time.good luck for the future

@LadyWithLapdog no I gave up work a few years ago. He had a good salary & we agreed I’d stop working. I do some voluntary stuff but not enough to keep me really busy.
Im almost 54 & not really qualified in anything so not sure how easy it’ll be to get a job.
I don’t think he will be difficult with money but I obviously can’t keep relying on him now.

I've literally just split firm partner of 27 years. 8 days ago
We'd just fallen out of love with each other. It's still painfull but we both know it's for the best. We're talking most days and he has a lot of stuff still here to move (he hasn't got his own place yet) but we're working through this slowly. I will always love him but I'm just not in love with him anymore. I'm getting through this by thinking of the bigger picture. I deserve to be loved and respected by someone who loves me for me and not just because we had 3 children.
Focus in the bigger story and you will get through this. Xxx

Thank you @Emmaer78 . I know in my heart this is the way it needs to be but it all seems so scary at the moment. So many things I need to get in place. I don’t see myself with anyone else for a veeeeeery long time.
I don’t have many friends so I’m gonna be quite lonely , trying to meet more people is on my to do list.