Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

In-laws

9 replies

Emmalou15 · 23/04/2023 08:37

My in-laws are here and I'm finding it really tough. I get on OK with them but my eldest is my MIL favourite and my 3 yr old just gets little comments, he's just been hurt by his older brother and so I told the older one off and MIL immediately told my 3 yr old to stop crying and effectively toughen up. My FIL has very little interaction with either of them and basically either sits in a chair when he comes or takes himself off for a walk. I need to pop out for 15 mins this morning with MIL and rather than drag my 3 yr old out, my MIL asked my FIL to watch him and he just refused.

It's doubly difficult because I lost my Dad 6 months ago and his grandchildren were the apple of his eye, he would spend ages playing with them. I'm bitter they've been left with the crap grandfather and a grandmother that shows favourites and its very difficult not to show it. I'm lucky that my Mum is around and just like my Dad, she would never have a favourite and dotes on her grandchildren.

OP posts:

Doidontimmm · 23/04/2023 08:40

Where is your husband?

Original poster

Emmalou15 · 23/04/2023 08:44

He's around but he's on shift this weekend.

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 23/04/2023 08:45

I wouldn’t have entertained my In-laws. My DH would have to be off to do that.

Doidontimmm · 23/04/2023 08:49

I’d just say the trip with mil will have to wait until your husband is home then!

Original poster

Emmalou15 · 23/04/2023 08:55

I'll just take my youngest, I have to drop eldest at rugby practice in the next village and MIL wanted something from one of the shops there, hence the reason she wanted to come with me. Not that a big a deal, I'm used to it. I just feel sorry for my children today that they lost a grandparent who cherished them, its hard.

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/04/2023 09:14

You also lost your Dad who cherished your children.

Who invited the inlaws to your home?. If it was your H he should be around to be with them, not leaving them with you.

Would you tolerate this at all from a friend, no so stop tolerating it from the inlaws. I would also think you only get along with them when you are doing as they ask of you. Do not have your inlaws in your home again in order to play favourites with your children. Such behaviour never should be tolerated in any form as it can harm the relationship between siblings.

mischlerischler · 23/04/2023 09:18

There is probably not much you can do now.

It should be your DH that is entertaining them when they come over, next time make sure he is off when they are visiting.

I get on OK (not great) with my ILs, but it's my DHs responsibility to take time off when his parents come visit us - I do the same when my family is over.

casualreader2022 · 23/04/2023 09:48

I get the bitterness of losing a doting parent. It makes all that so much harder as you know how different it would have been. It hurts. I'm sorry for your loss.

Tinkerbyebye · 23/04/2023 12:11

I would take the kids and tell mil you can’t take her, get some time to yourself and spend it with your youngest

then I would be speaking to your dh who needs to speak to his mother about stopping the favouritism, as the kids get older they will become aware

and if he won’t then I would speak to her. I would also refuse to have them to stay again unless your husband takes the time off and looks after them

Flip