In totally shock

[Kitty7619]

Hello
I need to talk. Got no one else. Don't know what to do or where to turn. Sorry if it's long!

I am nearly 50 and have two boys from previous marriage. They live with there dad as he lives next to there schools and colleges than me so putting boys first it was right choice for them boys all very happy it's all amicable with my ex. Boys are 16 and 23. I have great relationship with my boys...
Been with my partner for 8 years. Had our up and downs. It's been hard blending families.
My partner has always struggled with my youngest, they had there moments of getting on.but majority of the time it was hard work .my family say it's cos my attention went to my youngest and he got jealous of it..my partner jealous of my son? So when my youngest stays at weekends he has rules for my son. Bed by 9, No PS4 after 9.if watching somthing headphones on...up early next day.like 8 am.its hard to explain. .Being a teenager came normal attitude , obviously he was told to calm down , apologie by me etc but my partner couldn't accept his rudeness or comments or his ways.i kept saying normal teenager ! . Overall he's a good caring kid..doing well at school.like to sit and chat about what's happening etc.. .i always kept thinking it be okay they get used to each other..I thought it was just normal family disagreements...he gets on very well with my eldest.. it's hard to really explain.

When I met my partner he was council tenant so we got new home together. The idea was as soon as we moved in , we get a joint tenancy...but he wouldn't let me go on the bills or tenancy. He always had reason for not doing it...As I believe now liked to be in control.. His actions and way he spoke to.me constantly..the way he blamed me for his short falls..way I ended up paying for everything , way he got the hump....I always thought it be okay...
Then last week . Woke up had a nice morning.chatting about weekend and what we should do and planning break away etc .laughing about as you do....then 5 minutes later he stood in front of me and said he thinks my youngest is brat and he ain't going to bother with him anymore , he ain't going to spend his money on him or bother with him..called him loads of names..so I sat there in disbelief as where has this suddenly come from, his mannerisms changed within minutes and i told him to never slag my boy off like that for no reason he's a child....and because I stood up for my son he stormed out the house and texted me he wanted to me to move out as fed up with my attitude and always taking sides with my boys. I was what..what the hell just happened total.shock after a nice morning..
He texted my parents to tell them he wanted me out ..texted me constantly, want u to leave my house or I call the police .I had enough of you, dont want to know you or your kids as there brats ..had enough of your constant attitude and moaning.... All because I stood up for my son? Totally confused at this stage what the hell just happened...
Anyway I got collected next day by family asap and they moved me out, before he threw my stuff out...so currently living temporarily with family ..no.home...cant afford to rent in the area near my boys..don't know what to do..if I move four or five ours away I possibly be able to rent but got to find work up there.and travelling to see my boys and family..what do I do..can't process what happened..
My family always told me my partner is controlling and even a narcissist.
I am in totally totally shock..numb...don't know what to do, haven't stopped crying for days...
What did I do ? How can someone switch so nasty within minutes..

He was abusive to you and your child from the beginning but you just took it, probably because you thought he didn't mean it, so you were allowed to stay. You were useful to him. Then you stood up to him and abusers will not tolerate insubordination. Which is why he turned nasty and threw you out.

You will get through this. Use this time to breathe and focus on you and your needs for a change

You have escaped an abuser - well done. Take time to recover with your family before considering your next steps. Things can only get better now you're free of this awful excuse for a man.

Posting to try and boost, I hope someone more eloquent than I can help. Sending massive hugs to you 💐

He’s a nasty abusive cunt. For some reason you’ve not seen it before now. He shouldn’t have been allowed to treat your child that way. The red flags were plentiful, e.g. refusing to share the tenancy with you.

I hope your family are able to support you for a whole, it seems like they had the measure of hun.

Do you work? How old are you?

Him*

Why move in with someone that treated your kid that way?

^How can someone switch so nasty within minutes..*

He has always been nasty. To your child.

Honestly ? He has done you a favour. A massive one. Tbh the kid is just an excuse. He wants out

He's treated your son badly, by the sounds of it, for too long. Don't let him do it anymore. Son comes first.

It will work out. One step at a time.

.

Wow, what a twat.

it might not feel like it now as you are hurt & upset but you are well rid of him. You deserve better, no one should speak to you like that and your boys should come first, any decent new partner will accept you come as a package

big love to you 💐💐💐💐

You sound better off without him and your poor son certainly does. I hope you manage to find somewhere else to live but honestly, giving up your home to move in with someone your family warned you was a wrong un, was a really stupid move

Your op made me so sad for you and your son. You've escaped an abusive relationship that's a positive thing! Whether his choice or yours now you can start to heal from this and put your son first moving forward.

Take a few days, weeks to grieve the future you though you had planned. You're staying with family - good - that means you must have a great support network who care about you. Some people don't so there's a positive.

You've been in a controlling relationship for years, now it's time to take back control.

You need somewhere to stay longterm. Can you rent a room from family? Through a website? Register for social housing? Could you look for a job with accommodation included?

You need more money for rent. Go to citizen's advice or use entitled to website. Do you work? Could you increase your hours? If not, could you get a job?

It all seems quite overwhelming now but this is the beginning of a fresh start away from your abuser. He's a prick, always was, always will be. Stay strong and don't go crawling back. You've got this! 💪💪💪

Is there local hotels or holiday type places that would include accommodation that you could work at?
Could your ex help any in terms of private rentals he might have contacts for? Or even ideas?

Your poor kid. Made to go to bed st 9pm and then up at 8am.
Why on earth have you let this man treat your boy like this for so long?

Don't look back! And maybe you should apologise to your boy for not putting him first.

Your family are right. He’s narcissistic. He’s been emotionally and financially abusing and controlling from the beginning.

Do NOT go back to him if he suddenly changes his mind, things will only get worse. And of course do NOT pay for any of his bills.

I know it’s overwhelming at the moment but think of yourself and your kids. Maybe get some therapy, or even just a hobby to try and boost your self esteem. You’re worth more than him and his controlling abusive behaviour. It will take time and I know financially it will be hard but there’s a much better, happier, life out there for you without him.

Stay strong. You got this.

Sweetheart, he didn't turn nasty in a few minutes, he was nasty all along. I appreciate you are in shock but you have no idea how lucky you are.

Its something for another day, but have you heard of the freedom programme? It teaches you how to spot and avoid abusers. You maybe want to give it a go before starting to date again because it's scary that you seem unaware of what has been happening to you.

And fgs don't go back to him. If he knows you'll accept this from him, the gloves really will be off.

Sorry, but you let him abuse your child for eight years, and you’re only in shock now that he’s turned that abuse on you?

Most people would have it happen the other way around and don’t seem to notice how bad it is until they turn on the kids.

But all your first post is is minimise minimise minimise and excuses.

He’s ended the relationship, but really, you should have ended it eight years ago when he started abusing your children.

Do they really live with their dad because of school? Or is it because of him?