Just looking for advice and others opinions. So I've been with my partner for 12 years and we have kids together. We've had problems in the past when I've found out he'd had those naked women on Snapchat. Those women who wear next to nothing and basically tease men on there with messages and pics etc. I've told him in the past how much it's upset me, especially because this could be women who live near us etc. I find it diff to him watching porn, somehow I find it less personal. Yet I've still found him on there several times with deleted messages from them. He's always been furious and not spoken to me whenever I've found out. The last time I found out, I actually feel pathetic to say that I then made loads of effort to try spice things up, lingerie, doing things I don't like but he does, in the bedroom, just to try and make him happy. But weeks after I felt like I'd degraded myself and I felt like an idiot because none of it came from my heart, I was just trying to please him.
He's recently had the snip and was told he basically had to wank x amount of times. I tried to make it exciting by saying it's an excuse for us to do more things together. I've heard him doing it so many times in bed when he thinks I'm sleeping - for months and we haven't had a sex life and it's really upset me. I feel like he's still watching these women online and thinking of them and that I'm not good enough. I've put on a couple of stone since we've been together and in some ways I feel like I've let myself go, I've been working so much, looking after the kids, trying to do everything for everyone and always putting myself last. So although I do make an effort with my appearance, I guess I still feel insecure. I told him how I felt last night and he went in a big mood with me, said he was disappointed in me and I ended up going to bed at about 8pm feeling absolutely depressed. He said I could make an effort too but when I feel like he's watching the other women who have perfect bodies, prob kid and stress free, it really knocks my confidence massively.
We did have a very brief split up a few years ago and whilst I didn't get involved with anyone else, he did straight away. I never managed to get the truth out of him about that and he swore they never slept together but I did find out he'd lied when he said they were just friends. I found messages of him calling her sexy and he'd also been to her house. So I know that he's capable of lying and also moving on in an instant. Although I chose to forgive him and move on and try be happy for our family, it only adds to my insecurities. Years on... I now feel like we are more team partners in paying bills and raising kids than actually in a romantic/sexual relationship. We recently got our little one in their own room and I expected the excitement to suddenly be there but then I realised it's not. I don't feel confident with him because I feel he's comparing me to these other women so it makes me not want to initiate anything.
Does this mean it's over?