How to make things better with DH

[Dipyourfeetin]

We have been together over 10 years, have a really strong relationship and 2 DC - ages 4 and 2

I work 30 hours a week and I’m constantly exhausted between juggling that, being a mum and housework (like most mums are!). But I still love DH so much

recently he’s been saying he isn’t very happy. When I ask why he says my priority is everything else before him and I’m no fun anymore like I used to be. He says I used to be more laid back and now I’m uptight. He Also misses the physical touch that we used to have throughout the day

we spend 90.% of evenings together once the kids are in bed and we have a date night about once a month. I feel really sad that I’m not making him happy like I used to and I can’t quite work out why as I still feel exactly the same way I did about him and still put a lot of effort into the relationship

Can you ask him for examples of times you haven’t prioritised him? Just to understand his point of view a bit better?
From what you have written, you are doing the lions share of childcare, housework and mental load - what is he doing to take things off your plate and free up some more of your time so you can spend it together?
It isn’t up to you to make him happy, it takes work on both sides and your post sounds like he isn’t putting in the effort.

Sorry to say that it probably boils down to sex.is it different now by comparison to how it was.? Is it less spontaneous? Frequent?fun?

Sounds like he hasn’t accepted family life in any tangible way - of course you have other priorities, so should he!

You can sit down with him and have a proper conversation about how children have changed life for BOTH of you - an honest conversation about things you miss and things that you have now that you love. It’s a starting point to check that you’re on the same page or can get onto the same page.

Theres a chance that he has irreversible man child tendencies and can’t accept that he’s not your every desire 100% of the time and that family life isn’t always ‘fun’.

He’s basically trying to emotionally manipulate (by scaring you) into more sex, and wants you to feel it’s your fault so that you’ll take full responsibility and try to leap through hoops for him.

What it probably is, is he doesn’t pull his weight at home, and you’re exhausted for the lion’s share of the domestic burden, on top of a high-on full-time job.