My DH and I were going through a really terrible patch, he had been really controlling over most of our relationship but it got worse and it got to a crisis point for me about 18 months ago. We nearly split up but we had some counselling and he has really put the work in and he has changed in a lot of ways. Things aren’t perfect but he was mortified when he realised how bad things had gotten for me, he has had a difficult childhood and he was overly controlling because of this, it wasn’t out of maliciousness that he was like this with me, although the effect on me was the same and some things, such as loss of relationships with people around me, can’t be fixed.
I love him so much and I understand him and appreciate that he has tried to make things different.
Even so I sometimes still wish that I DIDNT love him and I kind of wish that I wanted to leave? I think my life would be worse if I did so I don’t. I’m scared it wouldn’t make things any better for me and I would just remember all the good bits and how he changed for me and regret it. But I also kind of regret not leaving instead of working things out. I feel so mixed up about it. I wish I could turn back the clock and undo our entire relationship, and I feel like I will be stuck forever in between regretting my past and being miserable in the present, always hoping for a different future that will never come because I don’t/can’t/won’t change anything.
Has anyone else been through similar? A controlling relationship where they’ve changed and if so are you glad you stayed?