Struggling with his bad moods, making me miserable. What else can I do?

[Morrrrecake]

NC for this. For background- been married 10 years, one young baby. Both work full time.

DH has finally admitted he’s in a lot of debt, which has put a hold on us moving somewhere bigger. That’s fine, because now I know why we are stagnating and we can work together to fix it.
He has been really miserable the last six months, he doesn’t look at me, barely talks. I find myself on eggshells around him. I think he’s depressed but he will never go to the GP and I can’t make him.

jm glad he’s finally admitted why he’s so down, and I’m trying to help him with what we are going to do to speed up paying some things back.

I understand he won’t just magically snap back to his normal self after telling me but he’s still extremely moody and frankly I’m sick of it now. We are actively trying to do something about his debt; and I’ve stopped nagging him about moving which before I found out about this debt I couldn’t understand why he was being like this. so now I know sitting money issues is first then we can look at it.

I’m fed up of being dragged down, of being ignored, of trying to make an effort to make us all go out as a family, of bending over backwards to try and make him feel a bit happier. I’m so drained. My issue is I am a sponge to other people’s moods so find it hard to ignore when he’s in such a bad mood.

he won’t help himself. I’m really trying here to be a good partner. What else can I do?

I’m sorry, not what you want to hear but if he won’t get help for his depression then you need to leave. I’ve been there and I promise you, it doesn’t get better. As it happens, ExDH did eventually get help but by then it was just too late. I’d lost all respect for him, and any empathy for his illness had long dried up.

It’s so hard. I feel like nothing I do is good enough either as he snaps about things out of my control so i feel like everything is my problem or fault

Yes. It’s no way to live, and if he doesn’t acknowledge the effect on you, and what he needs to do to change that then you’re on a hiding to nothing.

What caused the debt? I’m wondering if whatever it was now he can’t access that (gambling? Hobbies? Overspending in general?) it’s like he’s having a depressive tantrum. I can’t see it getting any better. He clearly resents having to stop spending.

God I would last a week at most like this.

If you want to stay then sit him down and make him look at the positives.

He has a supportive wife
It's just money that needs paying back so you (he) will
You have a home, it doesn't need to be big
You have a child

So there you are he can take it or leave it but you are not going to be sucked down anymore.

If he can't be civil in your public space at home he can fuck off to the bedroom alone and miss out on the bits of his life that are good, you and child. Up to him but this moody controlling arsehole shit has to stop or he's on his own.

And clear those eggshells away OP you have done more than enough.