He cheated when I was pregnant

[mikikki]

So, me and my partner lives separately when I fell pregnant but very much together.
Speaking to his mother after my child was born she indicated he was seeing other people and wasn't sure what he wanted when I was pregnant but this is the complete opposite to what he told me however when she said it he didn't disagree he just kind of floated past it. He said he very much wanted to be a family and us be together ect.
Now, it's been on my mind for the past year that he cheated when I was pregnant and I've asked him time and time again to just tell me as I felt like I was going crazy.
Then, I went on his phone (I shouldn't have I know it's horrible for me to do this, I have never done this before)
Went on to WhatsApp to see 1 conversation in the archive of his WhatsApp and low and behold, he cheated on me when I was 25 week pregnant. Went on for weeks.
The cheating happened back in 2021.
This is difficult as we live together and have a child together now.
I have not spoke to him face to face as he has been at work all day and I didn't want to mention it last night and say anything out of anger.

Where do I go from here? Please help

You poor thing. What do you want to do?

Personally I’d leave, cheating is a deal breaker for me and something I could never forgive.

What a horrible horrible shock for you @mikikki

sorry this happened to you x.

You have 2 choices really don’t you. Look at it that he did this because you were pregnant, he felt insecure and had a major wobble and tested his own feelings with other women and try to understand, but he came back to you because he realised what he was risking loosing.

Or realise when you were extremely vulnerable and needed your man to scoop you up and take care of you and his unborn child he risked your security and happiness to get his end away… beyond selfish.

Jez, not like me to say it how it is honestly, but I think that is such horrible behaviour from him when you needed him most.

Just thought of a 3rd option, that he cheats anyway? Only you have an idea of that.

Can you trust him again? Really deep down? Take it from one that knows - it’s not fun wondering…

X

He cheated, he gaslighted you when you asked him about it. I am sure when you bring it up he will try and turn it round onto you and ask what you were doing on his phone. Whatever happens it is up to you and what you want. Can you trust him again?

@Stillwearingskinnys he has actually said somebody showed him some attention and he just ran with it like a 'moment of madness' but to me a moment of madness is a flirt or a kiss and a night out filled with regret and sorry. This went on for weeks and she was the one who was ignoring him... she was also 19, he is 27.
I had a horrible pregnancy, really bad HG that massively affected my mental health and he didn't particularly want to spend time with me but I was so insecure I figured it was because I had changed so much, my figure and appearance and I was such hard work being sick constantly. Looking back now I don't think I was hard work, I just felt that way because he didn't want to see me but now it all makes sense.
It all made my pregnancy a very sad and lonley part of my life, I had no friends due to being a younger mum and my friends at the time weren't proper friends, just friends to get drunk with. When I didn't want to do this anymore we had no common interest and they had no interest in me or my pregnancy so I didn't really have anyone. I have no proper family and he was all I had...

If it was just me, I would walk away. However, we have a child now and since having my child he really really is the best partner and father I have ever seen. He does everything for us financially, physically and emotionally and it's just devastating because I love him more than anything. We have been together for a very long time too.

@Inthesamesinkingboat it's the gaslighting that is really getting to me! I have asked on so so so many occasions that it has been on my mind and I am a very very calm, relaxed person. He knows I don't shout or name call or ball and I said if he just told me I could at least appreciate his honesty and deal with it but he went into great detail about how he couldn't live with himself if he ever cheated on me never mind when I was pregnant and said he thinks that it is the lowest of the low... but here we are. How do you get over something like this?

@BellaBlossoms I would be the same any other time. I feel like I've torn my family apart if leave over something that happened so long ago... my grandma seems to think the same thing too but just imagine if he gave me something whilst I was pregnant. He could have make our little girl sick.

@AnneLovesGilbert I have absolutely no idea. I have just been sat cuddling and kissing my little girl. I never cry in front of her. I had to put her down for a nap and get back into bed.

When finding out about cheating there is only two options really - try and forgive/ make the relationship work or end it. You don’t have to make that decision now, tomorrow or even next month! You’ve had a massive shock and it will take time to work through your feelings. Ignore people who try and influence your decision or keep talking about what they would or wouldn’t do. They don’t add anything helpful to your situation. Only you know your relationship. Do you think you will tell your partner what you found on his phone tonight?