Do I need a psychiatrist?

[verybusybee]

I feel terribly stupid writing this,I am not even a teenager.I just turned 30.I have been married for 7 years and have a lovely little boy, a huge house in the poshest locality in town, a masters degree ,a very well paying job,a very highly educated husband who is caring, earns twice as much as I do,loving parents,some good friends.Why the hell am I so bloody unhappy?I am so unhappy that I think about death every day.I have no bloody self confidence.I loathe myself, hate the way I look, hate the way I am, despise my life.I constantly verbally abuse my husband,quarrel with my parents.I married my husband after a very very brief liaison and though I was happy initially I now hate him.I hate the way he looks ,hate whatever he does,we havent touched each other in 8 months.My sister is married to her boyfriend of 3 years who is the man of her dreams,he is movie star handsome etcetc.I am constantly feeling inferior to her and her life.This is affecting my relationship with her.I am in constant turmoil.I dont know what peace of mind is.There is so much angst and frustration inside me , not to mention envy, it is driving me to the brink.My poor husband is in hell.How do I stop myself destroying my life with my own hands.IWill I be happy if I walk away from its all, divorce my husband, live alone?

how old is your son? is it possibly some sort of depression?

He is two.I am trying very hard so my terrible personality doesnt affect him.He is such a happy little boy and he deserves the best life has to offer.

I think that you should see your GP asap VBB. Could you take some time off work? The very first thing you need is a rest.

I think about divorce atleast once a day.But I know life is going to be difficult.I want my son to grow up with 2 parents.Plus I know it isnt that esay for single parents to find partners again .

sorry to read your post

you sound very depressed and also very confused

I would think about finding a counsellor or a therapist. A psychiatrist generally prescribes drugs which is not always the best approach. You sound like you need to have someone you can start talking this through with, which is what a counsellor or therapist will do with you. It doesn't mean you are crazy, it just gives you a non-judgmental place to start talking things through.

Do you have a local branch of the mental health charity Mind? They might be able to talk to you about your options and about how you could find a helpful counsellor.

I agree about seeing a GP/and or going for some counselling. You need to try and unpick why you are so unhappy - whether the relationship is causing you grief, or whether you are just blaming that because everything else seems so bleak.

I think that you need to untangle a few other issues first before you seperate, vbb, unless of course you are completely certain that your husband is the root of the problem.

Working is the only thing that keeps me sane.I thing it will get worse if I take time off.

So sorry to hear you're so unhappy with things.

if i was in your shoes, i'd try speaking to my doctor to see if he'd prescribe some antidepressants to help me firstly.

you've been really brave putting down in your message how you feel about your life, i think you're right you do need to speak to someone who can help you feel better. if you went through your doc i don't know how long that would take, perhaps you could find out your options with your doc.

things are never worth throwing away your life for, things will get better

My local Mind runs a telephone helpline staffed by trained counsellors. They are open Weds, Fri and Sat nights from 8pm until midnight and might be a good place for you to start talking things through with someone, if you are able to make a private call at the moment. Their number is 01823 276892.

ok first things first, have some time out, I feel you ahve lots of issues here, you really do need to talk it out with someone, but a thte mo are prob feeling very very overwhelmed by everything.

agree you need to see your dr - I'm thinking possibly some form of depression (not sure if they class it as PND 2 years post birth or not).

you haven't got a terrible personality of that much i'm sure, you're clearly a very careing and loving mother. first things first thou, I feel you need to work on your confidence, why do you hate yourself and your body?
perhaps if you were happier wihtin yourself, you would see your husband in a differnt light, however if you do feel there's totally nothing there with him then you need to tlak to him - in fact i'd suggest talking to him if you can.

you need the support at hte minute, and relaly must look at each issue on it's own only then will you be able to maanage the whole - little bites will give a better responce without being overwhelmed.

I do agree thou if you can possibly have some time out.

Thank you so much.I think I need someone to talk .I havent confided in anyone for fear of being judged and laughed at..I will give Mind a ring.

You sound like you could be depressed to me too. See your GP, and don't rule out anti-depressants. They really can help if your mood is low. They lift it a bit and break the cycle of negativity.

I needed them to lift my mood enough so I could actually get something useful out of counselling. Counselling on its own prior to going onto anti-depressants didn't help me at all, I gave up going and that just added to my feeling of failure, "I can't even get myself sorted with counselling".

When my mood is normal I view life in a very different way to how I did when I was depressed. You might find that when yours has lifted things are so bleak as you think they are now.

I think telephoning Mind would be a good place to start getting things in perspective. Good luck. xx

Don't worry about being judged. There are a hell of a lot of people out there who are or have been depressed, and lots of people on anti-depressants. It's not something that people tend to bring up in conversation, hence others never know.

You could be feeling unhappy for loads of different reasons, and if you feel unhappy but your life looks 'perfect' i.e. got all the stuff, ticked all the academic and family boxes, then this can make it worse - i.e. you feel guilty for feeling unhappy, then you feel worse about yourself, and you get stuck in that vicious cycle. Feeling bad will make you act badly, which will make you feel bad. Don't feel stupid for acknowledging your feelings, get someone to talk all this out with. It sounds like you're trying to understand why you feel like this, can you find someone to help you work it out? Personally wouldn't go for a psychiatrist, instead a psychologist or counsellor who is registered with a professional body, or who comes with good recommendations. If your husband or you have private health insurance can you get it privately this way?

Well done on reaching out and admitting how you feel - its a first step. I have to say that when I had a perfect looking life (nice bloke, good money, good prospects etc) was one of the most unhappiest in my life. Oh and I had nice parents, normal background etc. so no 'obvious' explanations for my feelings. If you're clever and high achieving sometimes you're more vulnerable to getting down and messing yourself up with complicated expectations and thinking.

Its so nice to hear even with how bad you feel about yourself its so obvious how you love your son. I hope you get lots of support on here and manage to work through it.

vbb - please anyone who judges or laughs at you at the minute is really not worth your energy, you need help and support. things can work out. I really feel even jsut a breif chat with your H might help you, you've prob bottled everything up for so long you feel like you're going ot explode - don't explode let it out ALL of it - only then will you be able tomake sence of things.

I am crying now.I feels so overwhelmed.Thank you for all this support.

i do think you need to tackle the underlying issues. talking to someone objective, who is not going to judge you will really help.

oh sweetie ((hugs)) you've made the first steps - and it's fantastic, we'll be here wiht you if you want every step of the way - many many women suffer with depression - most undiagnoised I think if the thruth be told - but it takes a much stronger person to ask for help than one who trys to struggle alone.

Best of luck with it VBB. Let us know how you get on.

I remember standing in a bookshop crying because I read in a book what the symptoms of depression were and recognised every single one. Until then I had denied any suggestion of the fact that I was depressed (and I was a psychiatrist's secretary!).

But the good thing was it was the start of me getting better and feeling like my old self again.

sorry to hear this. i agree with the others, see a doctor or someone from mind, they are briliant.

could there be deep rooted reasons for this such as events in childhood for example?
just an idea.