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Relationships

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Original poster

Confused do men mean what they say

21 replies

Ash2345f · 19/04/2023 22:56

I’ve known a guy through friends for several months now he recently split up with his girlfriend 3 weeks ago he actively perused me flirting with me etc anyway we slept together on a couple of occasions and he has now said his head is all over is not in the place right now to date but really likes me and in a few weeks / months who knows I haven’t heard from him since which was a couple of days ago when he was still telling me all of this kissing me etc what do I make of this ? Do I just try to forget and move on? The connection between us was amazing so it’s making this harder

OP posts:

samestyle · 19/04/2023 23:10

I expect he got back with his gf. I would move on, don't wait around for flaky, confused men or rather them leaving you confused! it seems he just wanted the attention and sex but that's all.

UsingChangeofName · 19/04/2023 23:14

Some men do. Some men don't. Some women do. Some women don't.
Most people in life sometimes try to be diplomatic or to not hurt people's feelings at various times which can be interpreted as being dishonest.

ChrisTrepidation · 19/04/2023 23:14

When men say they don't want a relationship they mean it.

Move on. You're not a toy to be picked up and put down!

EustaceTheMonk · 20/04/2023 01:09

In footballing terms, you been dropped from the First Team and are now on the Subs' Bench. You may get a game " in a few weeks / months who knows " but don't count on it.

Like another poster said above, I suspect he's got back with his g/f.

Sorry to be brutal OP, but I'd forget him.

Pumpkintopf · 20/04/2023 01:44

Yes. Move on. Have you read 'he's just not that into you'? If he wanted to be with you he would.

Original poster

Ash2345f · 20/04/2023 06:31

Thanks everyone - I have to be around him all of the time as he is very close to someone I am close with and there is no way to avoid this.. I suppose in those situations I need to try and not be alone with him to avoid him talking to me again to try and tell me loads of crap then. I did think he may get back with his girlfriend and this was his way of giving me the brush off however it’s still
not very nice with the things he has been saying to me, need to focus on myself and try forget about him

OP posts:

Humanswarm · 20/04/2023 07:13

He may have got back with his ex, he may be pursuing the single life, he may be getting his head in the right place and genuinely mena what he says..who knows?
What's important is how you feel and what you do about it. I wouldn't want to be with anyone that wasn't 100% sure of me, so, I'd be cutting contact as much as possible, like you say, don't allow situations where you're alone. And crack on with your life. Changes are, if you do that, he won't look so golden away.

SpringleDingle · 20/04/2023 07:29

You put out and now he’s lost interested. He’s a twat- you can do better. Don’t give him the time of day (and definitely don’t flirt or fuck him - he will try if he thinks you’ve dropped off the hook but have STANDARDS!).

Sittwritt · 20/04/2023 09:50

Oh dear, he’s a plonker. The deep connection may not be mutual, but honestly it’s a lucky escape for you.

Watchkeys · 20/04/2023 10:56

I need to try and not be alone with him to avoid him talking to me again to try and tell me loads of crap then

Why would you give him the power to convince you, if he did tell you a bunch of stuff?

What's wrong with 'Can I stop you there, mate? You've said you don't want a relationship, so let's just leave it.'? Or 'Well, you said you don't want a relationship, and that's fine. We'll leave it there, shall we?'

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 20/04/2023 12:16

They mean what they do and if they want a relationship with you, they do it.

AprilFool23 · 20/04/2023 12:48

It is an extremely bad idea to see and shag someone who's in the first three weeks out of a relationship.

(Unless you just want a fun shag).

Most ppl would be nowhere near the right place for getting into another relationship.
They may be in danger of getting back with their ex - and that may be the case for quite a while.

Your mistake is on catching feelings for a d thinking about a relationship for a very very newly broken up person.

Forget a out him. If he's still single and interested in a while, you can see what happens.

Watchkeys · 20/04/2023 13:24

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 20/04/2023 12:16

They mean what they do and if they want a relationship with you, they do it.

Dangerous advice that doesn't cater for the concept of deception.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 20/04/2023 15:23

Watchkeys · 20/04/2023 13:24

Dangerous advice that doesn't cater for the concept of deception.

Show quote history

It's not advice. It's just a statement that if a man wants to be in a relationship with you, he will make an effort. He won't wibble about not knowing what he wants and needing time.

Whether it'll be a healthy relationship or not is a completely separate discussion. But if he's not trying to make it happen, he doesn't want it.

Watchkeys · 20/04/2023 15:34

Yeah, that wasn't clear, so it looked like dangerous advice @DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder Thanks for explaining, I'm sure it'll be more use to OP now it doesn't look like you're saying 'You can trust any man who acts right.'

Bookworm20 · 20/04/2023 15:36

In my experience men do not always mean what they say, no.

They do however, the absolute majority of the time, say whatever would benefit them the most at that time. Whether they mean it or not.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 20/04/2023 15:38

Watchkeys · 20/04/2023 15:34

I said absolutely nothing about trust and I truly don't know where you got that from. OP asked if men mean what they say, and I replied that they mean what they do. So if anything, if a man says he loves you but treats you like shit...

Watchkeys · 20/04/2023 15:42

Yes, but they don't always mean what they do either, and that's the point I'm making. Not here for a bun fight or to have a go at you. Saying that men mean what they do is a dangerous thing to say to a woman who isn't sure about men's motives, because its not always the case.

@Ash2345f I hope you understand the point I'm making. @DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder it doesn't really matter if you agree or not, we've both made our point.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 20/04/2023 15:59

Watchkeys · 20/04/2023 15:42

@Ash2345f I hope you understand the point I'm making. @DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder it doesn't really matter if you agree or not, we've both made our point.

Who said anything about a bun fight or having a go?

A man might say he wants to marry you, but if he isn't setting a date and making hard plans, look at what he's doing.

You may say he only wants to marry you to lock you down because he's abusive and you may be right, but again, it's what he's doing that will tell you that.

In OP's case, he pursued her, slept with her and is now wibbling about not being ready for a relationship. Doesn't matter what he said, what he's doing makes it clear. And he's a knob.

Watchkeys · 20/04/2023 16:03

Righto Darrell. I said what I was wanting to say. No need to keep quoting and tagging me.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 20/04/2023 16:35

Watchkeys · 20/04/2023 16:03

Righto Darrell. I said what I was wanting to say. No need to keep quoting and tagging me.

I didn't tag you. You tagged me. I quoted you because I'm replying to you.

What are you actually offended about?

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