Page 2 | ED issues… what to do

ThisIsaNiceDress · 2023-04-19T17:56:19+00:00

I don’t mean how or where to seek professional help. I mean what to do to make your partner feel comfortable… or as comfortable as they can be. It’s a new relationship and we are both quite crazy about each other but there is this issue and I don’t want to try too hard so as not to create the pressure for him to ‘perform’, but on the other hand if I don’t try to extra hard chances are it won’t happen… 🤷 it’s a very delicate balance, and I’d really appreciate some opinions… also from male users on the site please!

Original poster

ThisIsaNiceDress · 19/04/2023 21:35

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation thank you for your response I really appreciate it and lots of great practical points!!

OP posts:

OneMoreCookieMonster · 19/04/2023 21:39

@ChrisTrepidation - Absolutely true. But in my defense it may be a mental issue rather than physical.

And, as someone else has said its the op's problem to fix. But, I do understand wanting to try and help/encourage a healthy sexual relationship.

Personally, I couldn't do it. Not in new a relationship or even long term. But, I'm shallow like that. And, not afraid to admit it.

Original poster

ThisIsaNiceDress · 19/04/2023 21:39

Seas164 · 19/04/2023 20:18

if I don’t try to extra hard chances are it won’t happen…

I think this might be confusing posters OP. Faced with ED, I think that trying extra hard is possibly the worst thing you can do.

IMO (and I'm not him, nor a penis owner) believe it's not an issue, and that it will resolve itself, and talk to him lightly, when you're not in bed and ask if there's anything on his mind, or going on for him and believe his answer, don't press.

It's dead normal, it happens to most men sometimes, and it's either a physical reason, such as medication he's on, or it's a between the ears reason, such as stress at work, something he's got on his mind etc.

Don't over think it, or try to come up with some extra special way of dealing with it. It's just a willy.

@Seas164 yes you’re right thank you for posting 😊

OP posts:

Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/04/2023 21:48

Agree to have a tantra style session
focus on you! Leave his dick out of it
But alot is down to connecting and being able to feel comfortable and relaxed

Elvishaslefthebuilding · 19/04/2023 22:06

Penis owner here.
I like some views, especially @Seas164 and @Mahanii
On a couple of occasions with new partners it's been an issue with me.
On the first, many years ago it, was just the anxiety of a new relationship. Whether it was that fact that she was a nurse or not I don't know -typically empathetic people! -but before we had sex for the first time she said she was aware it could be a problem for men and not to worry. A perfect approach, and we went on to be in a long-term relationship.
More recently, with my partner of over a year, it was my medication (and possibly my age) and she was very accepting and things now (with the help of half a blue tablet) are great for both.
My advice would be to be understanding, just in the same way as you would expect him to be if you had difficulty.
If you like the guy, and think the relationship could go somewhere, apply some gentle supportive bedroom talk.

Original poster

ThisIsaNiceDress · 19/04/2023 22:31

@Elvishaslefthebuilding thanks a lot for your contribution!
I also liked the views of the posters you highlighted, and they very much confirmed what was my initial instinct! I guess I just came here asking as I had never experienced this before and was looking for extra reassurance that I’m not totally off the mark here…

OP posts:

AlwaysAlba · 19/04/2023 23:07

When I met DH he hadn’t been with anyone for a fair while, and wasn’t a spring chicken either - nerves and age lead to some erectile & ejaculate difficulties. At the start I definitely put in a fair amount of effort in to helping things “work” but didn’t want to seem at all resentful of that. I had to learn not to feel a failure when it didn’t work. So did he. It helped that I fancied him like crazy, and react to him like crazy, so I was very happy with us touching in any way…and he was and is the same…this lead to an increase in confidence with DH which helped with some of the difficulties.
Nowadays, years later, we’ve chosen to still not go down the blue pill route as we just accept each other for what we are…we’ve found positions that work better for the initial penetration and then DH tends to become more erect inside anyways, positions best for his creaky upper body joints, positions best for my arthritic knees - we have intercourse daily generally, at first mornings were more likely but now it’s any time. He pleases me more than anyone else has ever.

Original poster

ThisIsaNiceDress · 20/04/2023 07:09

AlwaysAlba · 19/04/2023 23:07

When I met DH he hadn’t been with anyone for a fair while, and wasn’t a spring chicken either - nerves and age lead to some erectile & ejaculate difficulties. At the start I definitely put in a fair amount of effort in to helping things “work” but didn’t want to seem at all resentful of that. I had to learn not to feel a failure when it didn’t work. So did he. It helped that I fancied him like crazy, and react to him like crazy, so I was very happy with us touching in any way…and he was and is the same…this lead to an increase in confidence with DH which helped with some of the difficulties.
Nowadays, years later, we’ve chosen to still not go down the blue pill route as we just accept each other for what we are…we’ve found positions that work better for the initial penetration and then DH tends to become more erect inside anyways, positions best for his creaky upper body joints, positions best for my arthritic knees - we have intercourse daily generally, at first mornings were more likely but now it’s any time. He pleases me more than anyone else has ever.

@AlwaysAlba thank you for your honest contribution! Very helpful, and a lot of it resonates totally. I value having a person I ‘react to like crazy’ both physically and on other levels above a fully working dick, as it’s a much more rare thing to find in my experience.

OP posts:

Marineboy67 · 26/10/2023 09:33

Get him to pop a bluey early evening, as soon as the before play starts he'll be growing 👍 😀

porridgeisbae · 26/10/2023 11:37

Contrary to popular belief, an erect penis isn't absolutely essential for an excellent sex life... ask any lesbian.

@Seas164 It is for me. When I had relationships with women, the best sex was when she used a strap on- all the benefits of a penis but far more reliable

porridgeisbae · 26/10/2023 11:56

@ThisIsaNiceDress I would give him a few weeks in case it's just nerves with a new partner, but if he hasn't got over it by then, he needs to see a doctor. Not just for your benefit, but because it can be a sign of other health problems.

I had 2 lovers with physical health related ED issues, and the best solution was a vibrating hollow strap on- that way the bloke gets something out of it too. One of them had a pump he'd been given by the NHS, but that takes a bit of work for a man to use regularly.

For some men, viagra works.

In terms of giving him emotional support, I'm sure you're doing all you can already.

Nursercurser · 02/12/2023 11:47

My husband has always had the same problem, although we've been lucky enough to conceive twice. I'm now resigned to the fact that I'm married to my best friend and if I want sex I have bought a rabbit and I put a soft porn film on 😜