Why is he so distant?

[dontlookinthemirror]

Currently on holiday and husband has become incredibly distant.

After having a baby in 2021, we decided to move area as the area we were living in wasn't working for us anymore. We live abroad and the place we were living was very rural, low pay but expensive utilities, rent, food etc. We moved to a seaside city but live on the outskirts - it is very nice and cheap!

We both work at the same company. I do not like it as it is very restrictive. Husband is part of management and he says it is ok for him. Since December our relationship has been growing apart. We do not sleep in the same room any more and barely touch each other. I think this is because I am unhappy in the job and we are both very tired after work. That being said, we have continued to communicate relatively well to each other.

We are now coming towards the end of a 2 week holiday. Everything was fine for the first two days but then he has started to go out every night and now just isn't talking to me at all. I know where he is going at night time, he is out with mutual friends and when we meet up with them the following day, there is conversation about what happened the night before etc. He doesn't drink or take drugs (the place we are on holiday legalized pot so you can get it everywhere but I know he doesn't do that because we get tested by our company). So with all that, I know he's not out seeing other women.

I said to him today 'Is there anything bothering you? I feel you are really distant with me at the moment. What can I do to help? Have I done something wrong?' and he just went 'What? I'm not distant.' and that was the end of the conversation. I've said to him previously I would like him to show more affection or just do normal holiday things like take photos of the 3 of us but he just seems totally uninterested. He's obviously gone off me. I don't want to leave this relationship but how can I continue when he's being so closed off. It's like living with a moody teenager. I've given him every opportunity to say if he wants to separate or if there is an issue he wishes to bring up but he just claims everything is fine.

Some one help me out here! I wish he was just up front and said what was going on. Keeping me in this limbo land is really harsh and makes me feel like he doesn't care what happens either way.

Hi OP..I think you have to be a little more assertive when trying to broach the subject. When he's says he's not distant or there's nothing wrong, explain why you think he is distant. Explain how it makes you feel. Don't allow him to get away with such replies. Tell him exactly what you want. Time together or photos or whatever. Then check his response..

I will give you my perspective as a guy.

Something is bothering him. What it is you have to figure out either tactfully or directly. Really depends how best he responds to communicating sensitive topics. Do you remember the last time you communicated about something tough like this and what the best approach was that time?

It could be anything as to what's bothering him. The job might be very stressful, maybe working together might be an issue where you're spending way too much time together that there feels like there is no time to himself and similarly to you. Maybe everything just snowballed and suddenly the life has changed to doing the job and having a baby into a very different life to what you guys were used to and maybe it's not what he expected?

Guys internalise their struggles and it can be very difficult to communicate things. Guys are also problem solvers so there is obviously a problem but no obvious way for him to solve it as it takes a combination of sitting down with himself realising and understanding the problem or issues and figuring out the right thing to do all at the same time finding it difficult to communicate!

Whatever it is you need to find out what it is. No point feeling stressed and in limbo for weeks on end. You just need a bit of clarity so you can start making decisions whatever it is.

He might say "there's nothing wrong" but have you said " there is for me"

If this is him when there is "nothing wrong" what is he going to be like when there is?

He goes out.
He is in a mood
He ends the conversation

You need some balance back.
What about you?