Convinced that partners family dislike me?

[DoTheyDislkeMe]

I've been with my partner for just over two years now, the relationship is amazing, we've just moved in together etc. but I get the feeling that his family don't really like me, I could be wrong but I can't make the right judgement.

A few of his family members are lovely, they'll message me, say they're excited to see me etc. but the rest of his family is radio silence! They never make any attempt to talk to me, by text or otherwise, or ask if I want to do something despite my partner spending regular time with a couple of his siblings (he has 5). They will regularly message him about random things but never ask about me, they just ask about our (technically my) dog?! I have never felt like I fit in with them and often feel like an outsider when we spend time together as a family, so much so that I dread seeing them. I have made attempts in the past to get to know them all better but I feel like we'll never have the relationship I thought we would. I am definitely rambling here but I just don't know what to do!

There's nothing you can do really.
Just engage with the ones you like and just ignore the others.... if they're ignoring you , that is.

You sound like a touchy feely person and they sound like they aren't !

I never ask about in laws unless someone is ill or having medical treatment.
I might occasionally like or admire a photo. No one would ask after me for no reason.
If someone messaged being 'excited to see me' I would suspect early dementia - we are all getting on a bit....

I think 2 years is really early days. I didn't have MIL's number or message her until dh and I had been married about 6 years (and together for 9 at that point). Siblings maybe a few years sooner, but definitely not until we'd been married a couple years. They are perfectly lovely people and we get along just fine. There was just no reason for us to communicate except through dh until after we had dc and dc were getting a bit older. I have friends who have family WhatsApp groups and go on big family holidays every year with parents, siblings and partners. But some families just aren't like that. I think what you are describing sounds perfectly fine.

It could just be that they don't really want to be closer at this still quite early stage. For example, BIL has a partner of 2 years, they just bought a house together, have a cat, etc. but I have no interest to communicate with her. She's lovely. We just don't have anything in common other than being with men who happen to be brothers. We can make small talk when we see each other, and I don't dislike her at all. I just don't feel the need to be that close at this stage. I think that's okay. Maybe you just need to step back a bit and see how things go as your relationship progresses.

It doesn’t sound like they don’t like you, just that they don’t see the need to communicate with you. I wouldn’t be texting my partner’s siblings or family unless I REALLY hit it off with them and we developed a genuine friendship independently of my partner. It wouldn’t occur to me to be contacting them just because they’re his relatives.

Y would they b interested in knowing about u?
Sounds like they r just normal people, and u r over thinking it.

They aren’t dating you.
they don’t have to be your friend.
they have a relationship with your partner.

I honestly don’t understand this expectation from some people that when you are in a relationship - that persons whole family should adopt you and become your best friend.

we are all different and have different relationship and social needs and preferences.

Im a bit more introverted. I like smaller gatherings once in a blue moon. I have family members that are the exact opposite but I don’t begrudge them that or take it personally.

^^ This. If they’re welcoming and polite to you when you spend time with them, that’s really all the relationship you can reasonably expect. They don’t message you because they aren’t really thinking about you. They don’t tell you they’re excited to see you because they aren’t. You are on the periphery of their lives. That’s honestly pretty typical for an “in-law” relationship: their relative chose to date you but you may well not be the sort of person they’d ever naturally choose to get friendly or spend time with themselves. It’s very unlikely to be personal and there’s no need to take it that way.

Not everybody is the type of person to text and chat and express their feelings. It doesn’t mean they don’t like you, it probably just means it’s early days in your relationship and they haven’t built that type of friendship with you yet.
my in laws have known me 21 years and we still don’t txt each other unless it’s a happy birthday or sharing of important information.

Sounds like my family. My sister and I are super close, we come from a small close knit family but as we have realised others don't do that. My partner isn't that bothered about keeping in touch with his family, birthdays,funerals yes then they act like they are the Supranos or something!!
Day to day chat, nothing.
I just went along with it, kept my family close and didn't really care what his family were doing, because they didn't care about me either. It's never bothered me in the slightest if they made an effort. I have my family who I am close to, he has his.