No libido

[CompletelyUninterested]

I'm late 30s and have no sex drive whatsoever! It's not menopause related or a DH problem (well, it probably is but it's more than that). I've always been this way. I've had a number of relationships and at the very beginning when it's all new and exciting I'm keen, but give it 3/4 months and I lose interest in that side of the relationship. I don't lose interest in the person, I just don't feel the need or want to have sex with them. It feels like a chore. I like the thought of sex but the physical act is something I can live without. In fact, I could do without touch all together (kissing, hugging, etc.), I'm just not a tactile person.

I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was a teen, could this be a contributing factor? I've also always been very self conscious of my body and maybe that's holding me back?! Or maybe I've not met the right person?

I don't know why you feel this way, but I don't think it's fair on your husband unless he is happy with a sexless marriage. If he's not, you really should end it so you can both find happiness and fulfillment.

Perhaps with the PCOS you have a hormone imbalance op, I would start there at the GP and ask for some help.

With respect, this thread isn't about my husband.

I could have written your first paragraph exactly word for word.
I've got a telephone appointment with the Dr mid May (none sooner 🤦‍♀️) I suspect mine is possibly to do with peri menopause due to a few other symptoms.

Bit personal so feel free not to answer but are you on any type of anti depressants? Other than that I agree with he above it could be hormonal so maybe a gp app is the place to start

I was about to suggest peri-menopause for sure. Although, didn't you say OP that you have always felt this way?

Exactly. Not sure why this person chose to respond this way. It’s a real problem. You either suggest a solution , if you have one or keek it moving.

Does your husband give you an orgasm ? If not that's why you can't be bothered.

Of course go to the GP if you're after a cure / diagnosis but it's also absolutely fine to not want sex!!

I don't think her husband would agree with you

Thank you. I'm not on any medication at all. My hormones are definitely out of whack, always have been. I will make an appointment with my GP and see what they suggest.

I don't think it's as simple as that.

Yeah, I've never had a healthy sex drive.

Who cares?

No one has to have sex they don’t want, ever.

Be prepared for them to be absolutely rubbish with this as they will likely be out of their depth. I would ask to be referred to a gynaecologist. I'm not sure what they can do though as your PCOS might rule out you being able to go on testosterone, but ask about it anyway.

Just wanted to add OP that this could be something deeper than hormones as you say you're not a tactile person. Just like some people feel quite blah about food and are not excited by the thought of different cuisines, even if they are wonderfully cooked, some people are also just not sexual people.

I did wonder what/if they'd actually be able to do anything to be honest. No way they'd put me on testosterone, my levels are already high. I was under a gynaecologist for a long time in my early 20's but not seen one in years.

The relationship between testosterone and female libido is not 100% clear. Some women on HRT don't really see a difference in taking it, and you yourself are proof that high levels are not enough. Estrogen is also an important libido enhancer, which is elevated during ovulation. It could be more to do with the ratio of those two, and how they individually affect dopamine, serotonin and endorphins.

Are you on hormonal contraception OP? That can mess with libido.

No, I took dianette for a few years following my PCOS diagnosis but stopped it almost 20 years ago and haven't used any hormonal contraceptives since.