Lonely and Bored

[BananaCocktails]

I work Monday - Friday 9-5, pick up daughter from school , make dinner , eat, wash us both , watch telly then go bed
that is my life
I’m 44, DD is 8. My friends had their kids 20 years ago
I asked DD’s dad to leave last year after he treated me like dirt hit me and cheated on me. He doesn’t provide any child care and nobody else can
mum works full time and lives 30 miles away so it’s expensive dropping her there for the weekend
my friends are busy with their families/ partners - I do visit with my DD but can’t go every week
best friend is missing ever since she got her dad’s inheritance plus her kids are all grown up and she’s prob out enjoying her life
my dad is 66 sometimes takes us out in the car but I can’t rely on him
I want to go to the gym but can’t . I literally would have to book annual leave to go which is ridiculous
I can’t go out evenings no childcare
Prob can’t meet anyone new nobody is going to want a 44 yo single mum who can’t leave the house without her child
i do go out places with my DD , the zoo, museums , sightseeing parks and spend time with her , shopping but I do crave adult company and it’s nice for us both to see others
feel a bit sad that ppl with grown up kids know what it’s like to be lonely have kids at home and feel they could visit us more
I wish gyms had chreches for older kids
I did try the outdoor gym with my DD but she kept going on the equipment and it’s not safe and usually it’s staffed with local hoodies so not to comfortable
I don’t have space at home for gym equipment as live in a small flat with no garden
I’m just moaning now aren’t I ? I’m so glad I have my DD but so lonely

Sorry to hear you feel like this. Could your daughter join Brownies etc and you go to gym while she is there. Ppl get caught up in their own lives and prob don't realise how low you are feeling. Could your family take your DD once a month overnight and give you opportunity to go out.

Focus on the positive. Count your blessings.
DD is 8 and is presumably happy and healthy. You stood up to your X, and are doing OK
You have a job.

Now the evenings are lighter, could you do some fitness/exercise with your DD?

Sorry, hadn't fully read your post - I meat something like swimming, jogging, kayaking, martial arts etc.

Who says you won't meet anyone? I'm pretty sure you will.

You can do exercise at home but it's better in a class. Dumbbells don't take up much space.

Would your local library or community centre have a list of Parent & Child actvities?

Yh that sounds rubbish. But to be fair there seems this point in every parents life, regardless if they are rich/poor, single/in a couple etc. I think it’s just one of those things, my situation is different to yours in every way yet I had a long period of feeling lonely and like I had no life, I was just mum and only mum. But this stage will pass, if one things for sure is that nothing stays the same.

This too shall pass.

That sounds very tough.
Is there a parent of a child your daughter is friendly with that you could suggest giving each other the odd evening off? Even once a month each?

Thankyou for all these lovely suggestions x
unfortunately going to the library in the week isn’t possible due to work and they don’t offer any activities over age 5 on weekends
I wish the children’s centre went over age 5.
could try and ask mum to have DD once a month and I will try the dumbbells too x
ive tried suggesting to other other mums but they are 20 years my junior and see me as a bit old so I don’t have much of a rship with them except hi and bye at the school gates
dd does get invited to bdays but that’s about it
i have suggested kids are welcome to stay at mine could we do sleep overs but they don’t get back to me about it
ah well Netflix again for me tonight

I was also going to suggest arranging sleepovers for your daughter and her friends so they return the favour at some point.
Also if she does extracurriculars, that may free some time for you to go the gym. Soon those extracurriculars and clubs could involve over night stays when she's a bit older.

I get what you mean about craving adult company though. Are there any school mums you are friendly with?

So shes 8 now but not forever
and you really do need to start getting YOU back
for example you could leave her for 30 mins and have a run ?
start building roots
any other single mum locally
could you afford a teenage babysitter time to time ?

you found venture into online dating but given how brutal it can be you might want to get your mojo back
keep the faith op , I’m a single mum older than you and I’ve started to get my life back
it’s a project through !

And don’t give up too fast

Get a resistance band and find some exercise videos.

Any chance of moving nearer your mum? Might sound extreme, but it could be a game changer for you in terms of allowing you some life.

I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely, OP. It sounds like a pretty isolating existence. I also worry how isolated your DC's life is too, with no sleepovers with friends, not seeing family very often. I know not all the other parents are going to be same age as you, but that doesn't mean you can't encourage DC's friendships to widen her social life a little?
join Meetup, even if you can't get out of house, there are loads of online classes and social events going on pretty much every night. There might also be groups where they do days out you and DC can go on together.
Can you not go stay weekend with your mum every now and then? Can you dad not have DC overnight sometimes?
And if all your friends' kids are grown up now, can't they babysit occasionally. No-one is suggesting every weekend, but even once a month really doesn't seem unreasonable to get friends teenager to sit with DC while you and friend go have a drink or go bowling, cinema or whatever.
I feel you're putting a lot of obstacles in your own way when you could try be a little more proactive