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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

We feel like friends

29 replies

Tulip630 · 18/04/2023 14:15

I am 6 months pregnant and been in a relationship for 3 years with a wonderful man who is always there for me.
We aren’t living together at the moment as otherwise his work is a 2 hour journey. We are in the process of finding somewhere in between before the baby arrives.
It’s come to my knowledge that our relationship is lacking in typical relationship things such as intimacy, sex, romance, passion and quality time.
We have a great bond on the surface, same humour, we get on well and can tell each other anything, I love spending time with him. To me this feels like a very close friendship and not the basis of a healthy relationship.
The lack of sex really hurts me but he has hormonal issues which are difficult to control so I am understanding and patient. I guess I just want to feel desired and loved.
Now we have a baby on the way it scares me because I know a baby can create issues within a relationship and sex naturally lacks for some time. I want to get this sorted before the baby arrives but I’m not sure what else to do.
I have told him how I feel which upset him deeply. He can’t make himself dominant and romantic. He can’t make himself have sex with me when he can’t maintain an erection. I am scared when we live together it will feel worse like we are room mates and not a family.
My mind tells me we’re incompatible as I’ll never be happy with our platonic relationship, but I owe it to my baby to try and give him a family as we are both from broken unhappy homes.
How do I approach this with my partner and what suggestions can I make to help us have a romantic bond before we go our separate ways?

OP posts:

Thistlelass · 21/04/2023 02:20

Tulip630 · 18/04/2023 17:12

It only took one time to fall pregnant and it was the first time in 2 months then nothing again until I was 4 months. He used viagra too.
Thing is I’m not willing to wait anymore. I’m almost sat here wasting the days hoping things will change while knowing they won’t. It’s a form of torture where I feel I don’t deserve the full package. My ex was abusive but we had a lot of sex. My current relationship is perfect but we rarely have sex. I know we can’t have it all but I feel like this is a dealbreaker for me. But how do you leave someone for a lack of sex and intimacy? How do you confess that reason to family when they ask? When I see my points written down it makes me feel like I am having a tantrum for not getting sex on demand, in the sense a man posting that would be rightly ripped to shreds. I know I’m very fortunate in every other way, I just feel awful about myself for not experiencing desire and love, it must be something wrong with me.

Why on earth did you choose to start a pregnancy in a relationship where sex is already practically non existent?

Watchkeys · 21/04/2023 10:31

@Thistlelass

What on earth is the point of your question? What purpose does it serve, other than to make OP feel judged?

CallieQ · 21/04/2023 10:50

It's a fair question though

Watchkeys · 21/04/2023 10:58

CallieQ · 21/04/2023 10:50

It's a fair question though

I didn't say it wasn't. I asked what the point of it was. Nothing wrong with being curious, but when someone is after the fact, 'What the hell did you do that for??' isn't generally helpful. It's just a way of judging and lording above the person.

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