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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To ask how to leave when you feel so downtrodden

2 replies

Zanzanma · 17/04/2023 22:51

Been with H for 8 years, married for 5, have one child.

Anyways at the start of our relationship, I was an option for about a year and I didn't know. Then he told me a year after and it felt like a kick in the teeth and the other(s) were also way more accomplished than me.

Then we bought a flat and he couldn't cope because we were limited in funds and the commute was further, so I took another job to keep afloat. He got OW. Seeing as we just bought a new flat, he ended with her and we tried again. And then marriage and kids the year after.

Obviously this was another smack to my self esteem throughout this and yes I should've LTB before I had the kid. But I was the idiot.

Anyways we have regular arguments that I'm not doing enough again. I work full time, am a first time mum to a 1 yr old with sleep issues, have a house now to deal with. Over the week, I caught a nasty flu and today only started to feel better. My H has a thing about gym, I'm usually pretty good at my fitness but this has slipped in the last 3 months since back to work. I'm still a size 4-6 and he's going off on one about me looking haggard and fat and dumpy. And I just broke down because I was so exhausted, am also on my first day of period as well.

I'm not sure with our history I can stay any more, i constantly feel like it's just not enough.j But I don't know how to separate, I have family and they know his ways but I don't know how to even start this conversation with him without him blowing up- need a handhold.

OP posts:
Hotvimto3 · 17/04/2023 22:54

Leave him and i promise you the sun will come out. You are more than he makes you believe and you can give your baby a calmer more stable home without him around ❤️

AgrathaChristie · 17/04/2023 22:57

Don’t have the conversation with him, just leave. You discuss everything afterwards when you’re with family or friends as back up.
Make a plan of where you can go, decide what you need to take and how to move it. Choose a time when he’s at work or away then go.
If you need reassurance speak to Woman’s Aid.
Your life will be much better when you’re not being abused.

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