Drama Free Way To End A Friendship

[Coffeekitten]

I am wondering if there is a drama free way to cut an old friend out of your life? We were close for many years and have lots of mutual friends so I don’t want an argument. But she is hard work and the friendship has run it’s course.

For context as to why I want to cut her off.

• DS’s due date coincided with her birthday and she spent months kicking off at me that I wouldn’t be able to attend her party. I ended up going heavily pregnant. She then slagged me off for sitting and not being up and about and socialising with people - I was days away from giving birth.
• When DS was born she asked to come see me. She then didn’t show up, didn’t let me know and went out with some other friends instead. When I pulled her on it she told me it didn’t matter because regardless I’d be at home with DS whether she showed up or not.
• She only wants to speak to me to gossip about people from our past that I barely remember and don’t care about.

I have tried reducing contact and just letting it fizzle but she keeps messaging.

Thanks lovelies! X

Just don't respond to her messages. If you have to, be very brief.

Archive or mute her on WhatsApp.

Do not make arrangements to meet.

She might kick off but you're not there to see it.

You just don't have to respond to anything.

If she asks, simply say you think the friendship has run its course.

Don’t reply to her messages or only reply very slowly. Be vague if she suggests meeting up, give vague/general excuses (“too busy”, “recovering from a hectic week” “under the weather” etc. She’ll probably lose interest or get the message after a bit. Don’t react if you find out she then chooses to gossip with other mutual friends about you.

I ended the only 2 friendships I really had!
Emailed 1 some hard facts. And ghosted the other. Both different reasons and both appropriate for the particular friend.. No regrets at all. Never heard a peep in over 7 years.

Thanks both! Very helpful x

@Eggseggseverywhere thanks for your reply! Definitely sounds like you had your reasons and glad to hear you have no regrets x

Just gently drift away with some non committal messages here and there if she gets in touch. Just imagine her floating away on an outgoing tide. Doesn’t have to be a big deal. There she goes

I'd just stop replying, phase out gradually if easier and reply say, once a month to say you're busy. She sounds selfish so will probably lost interest eventually and just add you to her gossip list.

@ZeroWorshipHere that is a fantastic image. Love that. Thank you!

@Sillybollocks thank you that’s great advice :)

I’ve cut a few toxic people out of my life like that. Some of them realise you’re getting distant and try to sink their claws back in, so visualisations really helped me cut them loose. I would have loved a chance to have told them what I thought of them but actually it was better to just let them go gradually. Good luck!

I am in two minds about a friend but me and ds aren't visiting her until next year so will think it over a bit longer.

I think it is quite common and even healthy to let certain friendships run its course.

The fact that she keeps messaging is her problem, not yours. If she can't even be bothered to show up to arranged meetings, you can't be bothered to read her massages.

She can say what she likes about you, and you can be civil if you come face to face.

That's it. Done.

Thanks all for your advice. Spot on x