I’ve posted some of this on another thread recently. I realised I could no longer continue in a sexless, affectionless 30 year relationship. The lack of intimacy had been for most of the marriage. It had caused terrible self esteem issues for me. I would ‘cause a lot of drama and upset’, my husbands words, by raising the issue a few times a year, nothing would change. He would carry on living his life and I would carry on living his life too. Eventually I realised that it was never going to change, my needs (and believe me by this stage of the relationship I’d have been grateful for any scraps of intimacy) would never be met and I ended the relationship last year, after months of personal torment. On reflection he had actually trained me to stop loving him, as it was just too painful to continue to do so.
Its been terribly difficult, he has taken it so badly, and I constantly ask myself what I could have done to fix it rather than end it (but of course I had tried everything). I can’t believe that he felt that strongly about me or/and the relationship and that he hadn’t realised that this was a possibility, as I was clearly not happy with the terms of our relationship.
Most of the time I feel stronger, and so much better, home life is difficult, but hopefully will be sorted in the next 6 months. I just wish I had made the decision a decade ago, when I had more time to sort things financially which are going to be very tight, as we are both right on the point of retirement.
Of course, I don’t know if I will ever meet anyone else, but to live on my own must be an improvement on the torment of being with someone who doesn’t see you as a sexual, sensual being, sharing a bed with someone who won’t put an arm around you, kiss or even say goodnight. In my heart I was becoming a very sad, bitter person, and strangely all that left me once I had made the decision to leave the relationship.
Whatever your decision, I hope it works out to be right for both of you.