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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would it be worth my while giving her what she wants or will I proceed with going to court?

7 replies

TheTigerInTheArk · 17/04/2023 15:35

Years ago me and my sister fell out after a row I initiated. I didn't plan the row on purpose but it was just something that happened. My sister estranged herself from me. Since then she had painted me as a villain in all of her communication to me and she was demanding for apologies while belittling me and demeaning me. She currently gets to me through fake profiles and emails. Years ago I did try and engage with her but she rebutted what I said and it just angered her more which was never my intention. I was really trying to achieve peace and I took on a lot of blame but it got me no where. I realised then that this was her internal battle that she's fighting and she's lashing out.

All these years later her focus is still on me and the old relationship and demands into giving her what she wants. We haven't seen each other in years and I usually ignore her but she still maintains contact several times a year with Christmas and birthdays being triggering points for her. All of her communications are unprovoked and many times her words are not sane and it can be extremely vulgar for example calling me a c*ck suckered was probably the mildest thing she ever wrote. There was much worse. I think I understand that's she may be coming from a place of hurt and maybe it's coming out all wrong but still even with that, it's wrong. I am hurt and I feel like if I was to divulge that information she would only be too happy and mock it. I feel like she really doesn't care about anyone else's feelings except her own in all of this.

I had an initial part in the break down between us but it was never rmy intention for things to be like this. What she's doing now is irritational and abuse.

I have no idea what way to take this. Do I give into her which will likely get me nowhere or do I proceed with going to court for a court order on harassment. She's behaving extremely entitled.

OP posts:
Cleoforever · 17/04/2023 15:41

It sounds unpleasant

Go to the police. Report and go from there

You haven’t ever retaliated? You really have just ignored completely?

because the truth will emerge if you have lied to the police about this - so be absolutely sure you haven’t engaged with her in a tit for tat

Cleoforever · 17/04/2023 15:42

It’s depressing to think of police time and money being spent on essentially a spat between sisters

Ponderingwindow · 17/04/2023 15:45

You say she is demanding something from you. Is it something that would be easy for you to give to her, like a small physical object, is it financial, or is it a capitulation? Would she really stop if you acquiesced?

QueenSmartypants · 17/04/2023 15:45

If you have reached the point where you feel some sort of official intervention is necessary, then I would suggest asking a solicitor to draw up a cease & desist letter before approaching the police.

It may be an idea to contact her yourself first and tell her to stop contacting you .

TheABC · 17/04/2023 15:48

It sounds like sustained harassment with the fake profiles/email accounts.

I wouldn't give her what she wants but I would report it to the police as it's affecting your mental health. I would also consider changing email addresses and locking down your SM to the max - reject friend requests and keep posts private so she can't comment on them.

If she wants to keep up a one-sided feud, that's on her. You don't have to give her the same energy or headspace.

Cleoforever · 17/04/2023 15:48

Sometimes is wish I could make a fist and ram into her face.

this is what you said the other day about your “grumpy” bos

i suspect op that over the years you have retaliated or indeed initiated.

do not waste the police’s time with this

QueenSmartypants · 17/04/2023 16:05

@TheTigerInTheArk I've just looked back at your other threads and can see you've posted about your sister a few times. In one post you mention that you spoke the police but they're not interested so unless things have escalated since then I don't suppose they'll feel any differently now.

Given that she makes fake accounts to harass you on social media, it might be an idea to consider coming off social media altogether.

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