Advice Needed please

[Onestep1]

Hi

I need some relationship advice.
I have been in relationship for nearly 3 years - both 40
we are both divorced
DP has 3 kids who live far away and oldest is 16 youngest is 12 - we are highly involved in their life just don’t get to see as much as would like .
I own my home he owns his but his ex wife owns half of it - they agreed he would continue to pay the morgage and live In house and it would be left to their kids in future .

we stay at mine mostly and his every other weekend - I’m thinking about future now and cost of things etc and Asked him where his head is at I relation to us 1 either keep doing what we doing 2 we sell our homes and buy one together 3 one of us rents out house and move in with other

our relationship is great he is a great man and a great father but I wouldn’t feel comfortable selling up moving in with him for his ex wife or potentially make him sell the house esp if I’ve invested my time in it . He says if she did then that be easy option we buy our own place but he is not going to be the one selling it .

I understand that it’s for his kids but I feel like his ex could determine our financial future . I’ve come on this for points of view to see what is the best way forward . Financially I can manage on own but it’s getting really hard however with everything going up I feel I want to have something they is ‘ours’ where we have the control . That stability also

thanks x

If you are both divorced, then you both know that unfortunately things don't last forever.

He has a responsibility and commitment to his children as ordered by the divorce settlement, not his ex wife determining your financial future.

I would not move forward with any plans to sell my own house until there's some serious commitment between the both of you, but you'll have to understand that he has a responsibility before you.

If you want something that's yours together, buy a fish lol

Jokes aside, if the relationship is good, I personally would rent out my place on a short term lease to test the waters. Or you could get a lodger?

Thanks very much . It currently is a private arrangement between him and his wife not a legal agreement hence why I’m abit .. about it as I know how people can change their minds when it comes to property and money .

Re his children - absolutely agree and a reason why I fell for him as he is Amazing.
C

*Ex wife x

He won't be selling because he needs a bolt hole if something goes wrong

Hi sorry this is a lot to read but any advice would be great :) Hi I'm just wondering if I could get some advice on my current situation I don't have kids but is regarding a relationship.
Me and my ex got together when we was 15 we was together for 7 years and we split about a year and half ago and have remained friends since it hasn't always been healthy from both parts and decided friends was the better option I don't want to cut all contact as I do have some attachment towards them still. My issue is there family when I was in a relationship with them me and her family didn't really seem to like me and I personally thought they was picky at me all the time and blamed me if my ex did something wrong at one point her brother sent me abuse because they missed a school exam because they was babysitting there younger siblings and I wasn't even there. So I've ended up living on my own since I was 15 in a shared accommodation due to my own family problems. My ex still remained living at there mums for 2 years on and off back and fourth to mine then there mum's. So at this point half of the siblings was living elsewhere like 3 of them was living with there dad and step mum eldest moved out when he was 16 so it was the 2 young ones and my ex that remained there. All the mum used to do was drink every single day then would get drunk then start interrogating her partner and accusing him when he was going to work and accusing him with women etc until he eventually snapped and it escalated into a fight there was a time I had to break it up aswell every single night they was going at each other not just with words the mum pushed him down the stairs he grabbed her by the throat anyways social services are aware as the kids have been abused aswell and she was always on the at risk register.
So my mother is a drug addict my ex has never been around her. One night my ex has turned up to my house as it was close by crying there eyes out because the mum slapped them around the face. This started because my ex was trying to video how her mum acted because she had too much to drink and was threatening a neighbour with a toaster etc so my ex was trying to record this is what I've been told next minute the mum has grabbed the arm and said oh look she's on herion everyone cause she had a dot in her arm and slapped her around the face. So since that day she moved into mine but was still continuing to see her mum and staying there now and again. Then a lot more stuff came a light about when she was younger that when she was being bullied she didn't want to go to school so her mum dragged her down the stairs and threw her in the bath then dragged her outside naked and made her sit in the snow for 6 hours and threw her clothes at her this is what I've been told.
Alot more stuff has been said as she's hit the kids with objects and apparently used to hit them for no reasin hence why they moved out because of her behaviour. Then when I stopped going around her mums after all this came to a light her mums attitude changed towards me I was the bad guy I was making a problem etc then I started getting the abuse. So my ex has basically decided to distance herself away from her mum due to how she was acting but was still keeping contact daily. Then more stuff has happened so now she has decided to stop speaking to her mum full stop and then it was her sister and brother they never used to message her or anything to see if she was okay or to meet up so she just stopped bothering with them but kept all of these people on her social media. When they used to add me my ex told me to decline them as they're probably just trying to cause shit and she also said well why would you need to add them when you think they've got a problem with you so I used to decline them like she asked me to.
Her mum used to turn up to my property drunk on the way back from seeing my exes nana as it was on the way back so my ex told her to stop turning up in that state as its my house this is where my next issue has arose rather my ex bring honest she allowed me to take the blame saying I didn't want it at my door which I didn't but she said she didn't want her mum turning up at all she's apparently petrified of her mum. So I've now moved and My ex moved with me but was still speaking to the family on social media then when they used to ask when are you coming to see me she would reply soon but then not bother to go. So then we bumped into her mum prior to this and my exes birthday was coming up they both arranged to go to town to have a shopping trip my ex was up for it then when her mum turned up to my door she said don't answer it I don't want to go but I insisted on answering the door as I didn't want to look controlling her mum then came up she told her mum she didn't want to go then then her mum gave me a dirty look like it was my fault. So her mum decided to spend time with her at my house soon as her mum sat down she pulled 4 cans of cider out and started drinking so her mum kept sending me to the shop to get her more beer presuming she just wanted me out the way so she could spend time her which if she asked I would of just left and let them get on with it so as she's now had too much to drink she's now decided to start on me about my mother how I have the same attitude as her because I asked her nicely not to put bird poo on my pots and she was spilling beer all over my carpet and ended up putting a whole in it from a fag. She has now decided to get into my face and try going for me I have then retaliated and basically have argued back my exes nana had to stop the mum from going for me so my ex asked her to leave. So because of this behaviour my ex has now decided to keep the contact short with her as she asked her to not drink and she persisted she wanted to this is when I started getting called a control freak that I'm not letting her talk to her family that she's trying to be like me because I don't have a great relationship with My mum etc the brother msged her asking if she's okay she was speaking to him he asked for her ps she told him he never bothered to add her on it then didn't msg her for a while. Then he's asked her to meet up she's basically said no because you ain't been bothered any other time and then hes asked why she isnt seeing the mum bearing in mind hes aware of the behaviour as they all grew up in that household he's then tried saying im controlling her social media and saying is they've said and basically being called an it she's then told him I'm not being controlled you know how mum is he then ignored her. My ex has cut contact with most of her family now shes saying its best for her mental health and its trauma and that she doesnt feel like that part of the family and there's all reasons behind why she's done what she's done but now I seem to have took all the backlash from it. So as I've mentioned we have now split a year and half ago but remained friends my ex has moved out and is in her own flat. We do meet up and is she speaking to other people. Now when I'm in the street I get abuse thrown at me calling me a control freak and calling me names etc her sister send me a friend request about a year I msged her with a polite response explaining we wasn't together anymore and that there is no reason why anybody should be sending me friend requests and to ask her herself on why she doesn't want contact with her mum and its nothing to do with me I've then got a shitty response saying it was a friend request on a ding done ditch and saying I want you to tell my sister that I'm here if she needs anything so I've now replied saying we'll you've had her on social media and you've all got her mum when she deletes her stuff or blocks you but have never bothered to msg her I've now basically got into an argument with my ex saying how this is effecting me and how they're going at me she has then msged her sister saying you never bothered to msg when i had social media or to see how i am can i just add she has had the same number for the last 5 years also. as at the time I had one from the brother and the cousin who I've never met so they obviously all thought they had to go through me. She then decided she wanted to give her mum a chance again because people said she changed her mum also invited me around later on that night and i went around the night she was there they was both drunk from drinking cans as soon as I arrived the mum ran out of alcohol and was kicking off saying to my ex that my ex needs to buy more because she only has a tenner so I was basically dragged there to baby sit whilst they got more alcohol came back wrh vodka and lemonade when they was already pissed up her mum later that night then pulled out a used bag of cocaine and let's just say it wasn't a cheap amount atleast 4 hundred worth and stated that the person gave it her for free and said I can go without my ex asked her to get rid of it and we both tried taking the bag of her and flushing down the toilet she started going mad saying its a waste and ill just give it them back then started to head towards the bathroom with it so we pressumed she was gonna take it. My ex has started getting all upset storming out screaming in the street ovs because of what happened also being drunk wasn't helpful I didn't touch a drop her mum did try making me drink and I said no 3 times she wouldn't take no for an answer until I said I ain't drinking thankyou I tried calling her mum explaining how she's upset her no response presuming she fell asleep as we was at her mums until 6 in the morning got a msg back 7 hours later saying is she upset I said yeah she said dw she'll be okay. So my ex then basically decided to cut contact again since that and is now picking and choosing her she talks to and is a now refusing to have any contact with any of them because she's saying they all speak to her mum and it will all get fed back to her. There's a lot on this matter but it's to long to type but now I'm being abused by people called names I've had threats towards me I've had the police here because her mum rang up and told them that she was in danger obviously police came out and spoke to her she made them aware of the situation briefly her family are telling extended family that I'm control freak and god knows whatever else they are saying so when I see random people who I've never met in her family for example it was her bd the other day tell her we said happy birthday even though she was next to me they could of directly told her so im pressuming they think im controlling her idk how they even knew who I was as I've never met any of this side so clearly something was said. People look at me like I'm disgusting I get dirty looks I just generally feel like this family is set on ruining my life there bad naming me all the time to people who I don't even know I've had abuse in town saying staying aware from .... when they was stood right next to me my ex don't even know who they are either my pic from social media is obviously being shown around as i dont know these people so ive had to come off social media as i dont feel safe on there and i think peopl are just observing everything i post they're now even trying to call my ex delusional and say none of the stuff happened to her when she was younger then her mum tried saying I've told her to say it all and then she said to her god gave you a mouth for a reason I have asked my ex why none of this has been reported she said social services are aware but when I was younger they used to come around my mum always made me feel bad saying you don't want your sister and brother going into care do you so apparently that's why. I have contacted the police as its slander they can't do much but it is really starting to impact my mental health as I know I haven't done anything wrong but I just feel like the whole world hate me and has it in for me. The people who know me know the truth and they Just tell me not to rise to it and ignore it but easier said then done. I could if it's one or two people but when it's multiple people going at you I feel like if I do eventually want to move on from my ex this has put a massive strain on it aswell considering my name is being spoken off and I'm being called this and that let's face it when someone calls you a control freak it isn't giving your name a good one. But I see how people look at me so I just know I'm being spoken off I just wish I could learn to ignore it but I can't its massively impacting my life and is really having a toll on my mental health any advice would be great.
Ps my ex has got the police herself asking for her mum to not to come to my door and basically asked the police to ask her family to leave me alone also got the backlash from that I've been called delusional saying they've never said such thing and I'm paranoid and they know its not me but then say different to others My ex has told them I'm not controlling her and she's also told me to ignore it all cause they know they've done wrong and are just trying to shift the blame on to me again easier said then done I am trying to get a move away from it all So any advice would be great thanks.

@rainloverx

You need to start your own thread not post on somebody else’s.

Also I would recommend shortening or at least using paragraphs, because I simply could not read that and I can almost guarantee that others will say the same.

Sorry not realised I've done that how do i create a thread new to all this. Thanks.

It literally says at the top start a new thread in this topic.