Ill try and keep this simple. Together 25 years, 3 young adult children, 2 still at home in a 3 bedroom house. I'm 47, he's 60, no sex life, no real affection.
Husband does not work, not worked in 5 years, used to have some hobby income but nothing in the last 12 months. Has alot of plans but none really eventuate, health is not great but I've stopped requesting he see a Dr and sort it. He's overweight and has knee pain so walking is an issue.
Things haven't been great in a while, swings and merry go round they say, but 3 weeks ago he woke up in a mood and shouted at me, very menacing and uncalled for. Since then, I've barley spoken to him, just not interested. He tries to talk to me, random stuff, but Im just not interested, I don't engage, it's awkward.
We moved 12 months ago to a new area as we needed a change, I wanted a different role at work, we could afford to buy a house here. Everyone was on board with it, I love the town, the house needs alot of work, he says he can do it, but everything is just so slow, he spends hours on FB and his computer writing random comments to other people, and is admin on a few hobby online pages, watches tv and movies from 6pm till bed, he's not up when I leave for work in the mornings. The house was picked for him as has a shed for all his hobbies, plan was he would be working on it or find a job so we can pay for the renovations.
He has no friends, he only ever goes to the hardware or to the grocery store. He's isolated himself the the lounge room, I have to share a bedroom with him, there is no where in this house I can call my own.
All I do is work, I'll pick up extra shifts, i do 6 days a week and 2 days are from 8-8, long hours. I put all overtime money in a separate account.
I tell him I want a nice holiday, I want to travel, go on a cruise, if he could just pick up a part time job it would help immensely. He says he's looking, he's not.
I don't know what to do anymore, I loathe coming home. I was always worried he would end up with nothing if I left, but he won't take any step to help himself, or us. If I leave I'd have to commit to paying the mortgage, it's hard to get a rental here, I'd want to stay here but I could move away, start over. If I forced the separation he would need to claim unemployment, he would get $350 a week, the mortgage is $400. I'd be happy to pay half and keep it as an asset, he can stay here and I'd retain 50% ownership.
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So, do I try and work through this? Save as much money as I can with the aim to buy another home?
I dream of living alone, I've never had that, we partnered up when I was 23 and had children quickly, I've worked full-time for the last 16 years and I'm drained. I just don't know what to do. It may blow over, he is a lovely guy who cooks and cleans, will do the household stuff and home admin, but I am more than capable of all of that myself, it's just the role he has taken on. Any words of wisdom?
Sorry it's so long.
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