Basically Just Back to Friends at this Point..?

[OneMoreSecondChance]

Sorry this is long, but comes after another in a series of disappointing weekends and of me feeling hurt and rejected.
Been with BF for three and a half years, were friends beforehand as our children went to the same sports club.
Early days were impacted by Covid, etc, but we seemed to form a strong bond and put effort into seeing each other when we could.
Had a few bumps along the way, but communicated well and we’ve had a great time together. Our kids all get on brilliantly, we’ve done lots of days out and been on holidays all together.
A couple of things have started to develop into quite major stumbling blocks, though.
BF is reluctant to think / talk about the future. Tells me he wants us to be happy together, etc. but things never really firm into anything more than vague ‘that would be nice’ discussions.
We don’t spend time with his family together - he speaks / sees them regularly. I’ve met them once since we’ve been together. He has met a range of my family members several times and joins in with events, etc.
BF struggles with ED due to his diabetes. I try not to put any expectations on him as far as sex is concerned, but it has recently become an issue in so far as he is avoidant of spending nights together at all, and does so in a really thoughtless / hurtful way.
So with no future prospects, no meaningful involvement in his wider life and essentially no sex life - how would you frame our relationship? We’re basically just back to friends at this point, right?

Pretty much, yes. I think, if you want to stay friends, I’d suggest you let him know you’re going to start dating again (assuming you want to find someone who can offer more).

I agree.

You deserve better family life quality.

@PaterPower @Sunnygirl07
Thanks, both
It’s a bitter pill to swallow as this was my first relationship having left my abusive ex three years previously - it took a lot to trust and hope again, and it now feels like I’ve just wasted more time.
That said, I don’t have bad feelings towards my BF as such - just sadness - he’s an incredibly kind and fun-to-be-with person, and I wish there was more to this. I don’t want to lose him as a friend, though, so feel I need to make the break now rather than get to a point of feeling angry and lose the friendship, too…

@OneMoreSecondChance I agree, you need to end things now if you hope to salvage any sort of friendship. He isn’t really offering you anything other than friendship so take the relationship expectations off the table. He must know what he’s doing though which isn’t very “kind” of him.

@Shapemyeyebrows good point

How old are you both?

Yes, it's ok to stay friends but to settle for no sex if you have a healthy sex drive - you wouldn't feel sexually fulfilled in this relationship.

It's natural to go through some sort of grieving process when things don't go the way you were hoping for.

For me, when I was looking for my future DH, the best way to get destructed from the sadness of relations going not how I was hoping them to go was to start actively dating again.

@Sunnygirl07 We’re both 43. I’ve been thinking things through today as yesterday BF and I had a conversation about our sex life, and it concluded with me essentially agreeing to just let that aspect go for the time being, as I didn’t want to feel like a pest or that I was putting BF under any kind of pressure - but I really don’t think I would feel happy to do that in the long term.
I’m not looking to date anyone else anytime soon, but can see your logic! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

It's not so much 'letting that aspect go' as redefining the r'ship, isn't it - it sounds like he's keeping you slightly at arms length, which is fine if that's all you want; but if that feels unequal, best pull back from 'significant other' to 'one of my friends'.

A relationship doesn't have to "go anywhere" with marriage or living together as the ultimate goal. My bf and I don't live together, and no intentions to get married, but we enjoy each other's company and have a lot of fun together. But it wouldn't work if you actually want more. And the test is whether you're happy. And you're not, are you?