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Original poster

Fwb with an ex

26 replies

MilkshakeEarthquake · 16/04/2023 21:52

Is a fwb with an ex always a bad idea? I've been thinking recently about this. We are both still single, no feelings at all, we have children so would mean that I wouldn't have to introduce anyone new to them. I have been celibate for many years and would like to have sex again one day 😂 people have suggested a fwb to me like it's the best thing ever but surely that's just as messy and you're just as likely to end up developing feelings, with my ex I know this wouldn't be the case but as soon as you mention thinking about it with an ex people are like no way don't go there, why is a stranger better? Does anyone have this set up with their ex?

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 16/04/2023 22:00

It takes some certain level of maturity for those things to work out, if you guys have it just have a conversation and see how he feels.

Smilelikeyourewinning · 16/04/2023 22:01

It depends on a few factors like whether you broke up recently. Whether there are any expectations on both sides etc

PizzaPastaWine · 16/04/2023 22:05

There is just nothing about this that is a good idea.

Can you just find a FWB rather than a SSWTEX (still sleeping with the ex)?

Splitting up is about moving on. This is not you loving on...you're moving backwards.

Flowersun6 · 16/04/2023 22:07

Agree your an ex for a reason. So easy to go back as it's what you know and it's easy.

Just start a new FWB much easier to end it too rather than fall out with your ex as I assume you are friendly.

Original poster
MilkshakeEarthquake · 16/04/2023 22:11

Can’t find a new fwb and tbh would rather not look online for a man for just sex (seems a bit grubby no offence to anyone)

OP posts:
Smilelikeyourewinning · 16/04/2023 22:14

Are these your kids together or is he a more recent ex?

mondaytosunday · 16/04/2023 22:34

It dies til one of you meets someone and the other is left high and dry.

Original poster
MilkshakeEarthquake · 16/04/2023 22:41

That could and does happen with a regular fwb though? I’m not planning to meet anyone but if he does then that’s fine.

Yes he is the children’s father.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 16/04/2023 22:42

Seems a bit desperate and degrading going back to an ex for sex,can you not just get a decent vibrator and start knitting?

RaininSummer · 16/04/2023 22:43

Love that answer but wonder how you knit whilst using a vibrator.

Original poster
MilkshakeEarthquake · 16/04/2023 22:45

😅 it gets a bit boring though doesn’t it! Definitely not the same you may be happy with being celibate for years but yes I am desperate now 🫣

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 16/04/2023 22:54

Don’t see why not - as long as he is on the same page.
Personally - I don’t think it’s desperate at all. You know each other well. There must have been chemistry. Even if relationships hasn’t worked out - but sex was good - why not enjoy a bit of fun.
You sound mature and level headed.
Enjoy!

Original poster
MilkshakeEarthquake · 16/04/2023 23:24

I don’t know if he does I guess I have to find a way to bring it up. I don’t think it’s anymore desperate than looking online tbh.

OP posts:
MrsBellamy · 17/04/2023 09:10

If the ex is the DCs dad I'd be worried that increased contact might make DC think their parents are getting back together and give them false hope.

Original poster
MilkshakeEarthquake · 17/04/2023 13:21

Kids dad already comes here for contact so they are use to him being in the house and this has always been the set up so it’s not unusual for them and they’ve never questioned it as it’s all they’ve known.

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 17/04/2023 13:25

I don’t see the harm but do find it hilarious that you separated even though you were keen on each other sexually

yes there’s more to a relationship but I’m assuming there's a good reason why you separated?!

Zanatdy · 17/04/2023 14:19

100% don’t. I had sex a few times with my ex over the years we were split, but it was never a good idea. Too many feelings involved and just ends up hurting one of you

GoodChat · 17/04/2023 14:26

I think the only thing that would worry me is if those feelings were to develop again, or if the kids pick up on the change in dynamic (because they will) and think you're back together.

To you it's just sex but to them it's their family.

Original poster
MilkshakeEarthquake · 17/04/2023 15:37

I really wouldn’t get back with him we want different things and I don’t have feelings for him anymore. There’s way too many deal breakers that I won’t be compromising on. Just seems like the ideal solution to my problem 😏 I don’t want to look online for men for sex. I don’t want strange men in my house where my kids live for sex and I don’t want to go to a strange man’s house for sex either, But at the same time I’ve been celibate a long time and I do have needs. I doubt the kids would expect us to get back together they have very little memory of us being together we broke up when they were very young.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 17/04/2023 15:40

But it's the kids who'll suffer if you start having sex, one of you develops feelings and then it gets awkward.

It's also them who will be confused if he starts sleeping in your bed or staying when he normally goes home.

rwalker · 17/04/2023 15:46

Think is you can’t be sure your ex is 100% sex only frame of mind

Ringmaster27 · 17/04/2023 16:02

This is me right now.
Fwb with an ex. We both know where we stand. There’s a million and one reasons why we don’t work as a couple in the traditional sense, so this works for now 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
MilkshakeEarthquake · 17/04/2023 16:17

Ringmaster27 · 17/04/2023 16:02

This is me right now.
Fwb with an ex. We both know where we stand. There’s a million and one reasons why we don’t work as a couple in the traditional sense, so this works for now 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Thank you really helps to hear from someone in the same situation! Yes me and ex could never work out we want very different things

OP posts:
Original poster
MilkshakeEarthquake · 17/04/2023 16:18

GoodChat · 17/04/2023 15:40

But it's the kids who'll suffer if you start having sex, one of you develops feelings and then it gets awkward.

It's also them who will be confused if he starts sleeping in your bed or staying when he normally goes home.

Ex occasionally stays over on the sofa only (I know people will disagree with this but this is our situation) obviously wouldn’t let them see us together

OP posts:
monsteramunch · 17/04/2023 16:22

With shared kids I think the risk of this sort of arrangement with each other is just too great, it would be such a shame to potentially complicate things if you are currently co-parenting successfully and the kids are happy and settled.

It's not worth risking rocking the boat IMO.

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