4 months separated, is being lonely a reason to go back?

[Esmejane81]

I ended my marriage 4 months ago. We were in a really bad relationship, constantly arguing and barely talking by the end.

I had asked him to come to marriage counselling two years ago and he said no. I talked to him quite a few times about how awful I felt things were getting but he just used to shrug it off.

Things got worse and worse and the things being said really affected my self esteem. I said some horrendous things too.

The week before I ended it we had a huge row at dinner with the kids there and he was yelling over the table that I was a rubbish mother (because our 5 year old was making a fuss over eating their dinner). He had also been chatting to a woman at work - nothing happened but photos were exchanged.

I hated how explosive his temper was and felt the situation was unhealthy for all of us so decided to end it.

It came as a shock to him as he said he never thought I would seriously end things.

But now I just hate the loneliness so much and miss the stability of having the family unit, is that enough to give it another go? He wants to but I keep saying no, I just really don’t want to keep feeling this way though?

It wasn’t a great family unit though, was it? You’d just be going back to more of the same arguing and bad atmosphere. Don’t inflict that on your children or yourself.

You KNOW going back to him is a fucking terrible idea. In very short order, you will be right back to where you were when you finally decided to leave him, so for the sake of your kids, please don't do this. It will literally be the biggest mistake you've ever made. You're in a period of adjustment, you will get through this and be so happy you moved in.

*moved ON

You need to do what is right by your children. Growing up in a toxic argumentative household will damage them. That comes before your own feelings surely?

I truly understand the loneliness, but it will pass. You find a new rhythm of life and begin to realise all the things you'd missed because you were with him.

And life is so much more peaceful now, isn't it? Is it worth going back to the crazy? I truly don't believe it is.

Catch a breath, remember the hell it really was and choose again to stay away. This is truly better than before, for both your children and you.

Thanks all. I know you are all right, it’s just a hard and long process I guess. After the initial relief wore off I just feel sad. Of course he’s making loads of promises things will change but deep down I know they won’t and after living together for so long it’s just so strange being alone.