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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I think I’m finally really done

13 replies

Idiotidiothead · 16/04/2023 15:19

I’m scared, but I can’t keep pretending that I’ve got anything to talk to him about anymore. I can’t keep pretending that I’m not incredibly lonely and disappointed, or that it kills me that he can keep justifying his choices that leave me feeling betrayed (not cheating, just devastated) and will never, ever apologize because he values his “rights” more than his wife. I’m tired of my value being a body and “What’s for dinner?” That’s all that’s left of me. I ceased to exist. I think he will only know I’m gone because he will have an empty fridge and kids will need to be driven more often.

OP posts:

Channellingsophistication · 16/04/2023 15:24

I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I can totally relate to your post.

Do you have a plan for the future which will make you feel more in control? Do you work and have own money?

Original poster

Idiotidiothead · 16/04/2023 15:40

I do work (part time) can transfer where I study, move to a cheaper city (a very long distance away, closer to family and friends). I can get another job.

OP posts:

perfectcolourfound · 16/04/2023 15:52

Power to you. You've reached the end of your tether, and understandably so. You can do this. There is a better life on the other side. It isn't an easy journey but it will be worth it.

Original poster

Idiotidiothead · 16/04/2023 16:17

It’s going to fuck up my kids though

OP posts:

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 16/04/2023 16:38

Your children will be fine once you are away from all that and have support from family and friends and you start to feel like yourself again. If you stay it will effect them more as they see you down trodden. It will be difficult but you will wake up in new area and feel a peace inside of you and you will feel like yourself again. Talk to family and friends and take their support and plan things and stay strong, you are nearly there and your children will thank you in the future. Wishing you all the best.

Original poster

Idiotidiothead · 17/04/2023 01:35

Thank you. I spoke to a friend last night. Told her a couple of things and she was absolutely stunned. She had never heard me sound flat before in my life and she knows I’ve obviously been masking. I need to save enough for a rental deposit and get my shit down there. I think I can be gone in a couple of months.

OP posts:

suburbophobe · 17/04/2023 01:44

I do work (part time) can transfer where I study, move to a cheaper city (a very long distance away, closer to family and friends). I can get another job.

Sounds like a plan! Hold that vision.

It’s going to fuck up my kids though

Kids get more fucked up living in a toxic environment.

Temporaryname158 · 17/04/2023 01:49

It sounds like you are leaving the children as you refer to him driving them more. Can you clarify. Also how old are they?

i absolutely don’t think you should leave them

millymollymoomoo · 17/04/2023 12:46

Think carefully about moving - you can move- but joint children may not if he doesn’t agree that

Choconut · 17/04/2023 13:07

I agree that you can't just leave your children and just let everyone work out for themselves that you've done a runner. You're right that would fuck them up and be incredibly selfish.
You don't have to be 'a body' ie have sex or make dinner for him, that can stop right now if you like - but you do need to think about your kids and how you can end this and keep things as stable for them as possible. You can't just run away and leave your kids because you're not happy with your husband.

Original poster

Idiotidiothead · 17/04/2023 13:20

Okay… I feel better now I have a plan in place. I am not leaving my kids until they finish school. I just can’t. I want them to have their driver’s licenses and to have some direction. I will absolutely not be anyone’s body again, unless it is someone I feel emotionally safe and intimate with. My emotional crystal ball isn’t currently plugged in, but I can’t see it being a priority ever again. I can’t see myself even wanting a goldfish when I go! (Oh shit! I actually do have a bloody goldfish, and unlike everyone else’s goldfish, mine seems to be immortal!) I will speak to my people in the other city tomorrow when he’s at work and have that chat.

OP posts:

JackieQueen · 17/04/2023 13:27

Good luck op 💐

Original poster

Idiotidiothead · 17/04/2023 13:55

Thanks guys. I also went to GP today. I had an ecg and there was significant worsening of my genetic cardiac condition. I explained that DH had pulled the plug on our private health insurance with no discussion recently as he had had the surgery he needed, so didn’t see the point in continuing to pay for it. (Private health is very necessary here in Aus for the many surgeries required for my condition - also going to need several joint replacements amongst other things.) Explained my plan to GP. He has logged it (and some more examples) and because I have been finding it hard to lose weight and have stress migraines, etc, (everything compounded by the weight thing) he has prescribed ozempic for me to try. It should be ready by the end of the week. When I leave I’m going to be looking fucking awesome and feeling great too.

OP posts:

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