How does it feel to be loved, that someone chose you? How does it feel to share and build a life with someone?

[NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs]

Having a lonely weekend and feeling sorry for myself.
So I thought it would be a good idea idea to know how to lucky one’s a re feeling 🤣.

But seriously, never been in a relationship, or lived or anything - honestly.
How does it feel?
And to be normal?

I think it feels different for everyone.

But more importantly are you ok?

Are there things in your life that bring you joy and a sense of purpose? At times in my life when I have felt alone or a little lost I've tried to focus on the things I have that add joy. Might be work or your children, relationships with parents, siblings, or friends. Working toward small obtainable goals can also really give you a happiness boost. I hope some of those may apply to you and give you some comfort.

If you are looking to pursue romantic love then maybe give online dating a try? I know it isn't for everyone and can be daunting and certainly there are challenges but there are also good men out there looking for the same thing as you.

Sorry I know I didn't really answer your question but after reading I didn't want to ignore the post x x

I don't know because I never experienced it either. I can only imagine it would be like a dream come true. I would be crying with happiness if that were me. Hopefully it will happen soon, for both of us! ❤

You are normal.
Whilst for some people it is "normal" to be married, for others it is "normal" to be single. Either is fine.

It was nice,dullbut cosy, for long periods. But I'm much more fulfilled having my own place.

Ahh, OP - I wonder the same thing…

Whilst I have children with my ex, he was a narcissistic abuser and as such never actually loved me - so even though I have supposedly been in that situation, it was never real, and not a good example!

I’m in a dying relationship at the moment - have found myself in another situation where my BF is not interested in building a life together, I am just a convenience to him and fill some spare time. It’s a horrible, lonely realisation and I doubt that I’ll ever have knowledge of the same things you’re wondering about 😞

Sending hugs

I hope you are going to be ok op because you do sound pretty down. Everyone has a different normal. The worst scenario is to feel unloved by someone you are with, I have been in that position when younger but walked away.

I am incredibly lucky that I have been with DH for 26 years, it’s not perfect nothing is but feeling loved to me means feeling very safe, in jokes, showing imperfections without fear.

DS says we are like a pair of old slippers, Dad is the left and Mum is the right.

I don't think any answers would help you. There'll just make you think "well I've never had that, why haven't I had that? what's wrong with me that people don't want me/choose me/love me"

I don't necessarily think it's bad/wrong to ask yourself those questions.
Have you thought about where your feelings/belief that you're "not normal" come from?
What was your childhood like? What was your relationship with your parents like?

There is no normal OP.

Some relationships don't make you feel "chosen" more cursed.

It's not some race you complete and someone hands you a cup.

It's more than you find a human being whom on the weight of it, is better to have around you in the house than not.

It's subtle.

It's lovely to know there is someone there who will always look out for you tbh. But I was single for a long, long time before I met my husband and now I look back and wonder why I didn't make more of that time to try new things. Go on that writing course, study that obscure subject, go to that interesting sounding group on meet-up. I know it can get very tiring putting yourself out there all the time but think of it as a limited period before you meet someone and have to negotiate their interests with yours.

I think you might be (understandably) over romanticising it OP.
While I'm sure some people get warm and fuzzy feelings, a self esteem boost, security etc from considering themselves to have been 'chosen', in reality, for a lot of people it really boils down to simply meeting a suitable person with similar life goals at the right time. Basically luck and circumstances, rather than having some uniquely lovable quality that single people lack.
Truth is the person who 'chose' us could well have been equally happy if they'd met and chosen you, or indeed any one of a million potential partners.
Call me unromantic if you will, but hopefully its given some perspective if you're feeling a bit down at the moment.

I disagree with this.
Some of us have belief systems that make us attractive and welcoming to new people and some have the opposite, is belief systems that push people away.

Well obviously @BunnyFun if a person has extreme anti social beliefs, racist, homophobic, misogynist, or believes that pigs can talk, the Eiffel Tower is an alien mother ship, or that they're a unicorn called Bernard, then they're going to reduce the pool of people who might chose them as a life partner.
But most single people have fairly mainstream beliefs, and are not unwelcoming, they just haven't met a person they want to couple up with.

It really depends on who that person is. Some people feel that their partner is lucky because they chose them!

I finally found an amazing husband who was fun, funny, kind, supportive, smart… but then he cheated on me!

But for a brief year it was fantastic to have someone to inspire me, support me and just join me in life.

I know how you feel OP. I'm the same at 41.

I'm a mess at the minute, though not outwardly, with other people. But at home, alone, I cry and curse my life.

One of my problems is I want what doesn't exist. I'm of the view that men are really only after sex and I want to be more than that to someone. I have zero trust in them.

I'm naive in what I want but also cynical in how I feel about relationships. It's a f*cking nightmare to be honest.

They weren't the kind of beliefs I was talking about.
Some people have healthy core beliefs that they are normal and worth loving usually based on their relationship with their parents.
Others believe they are not normal, worthless and unlovable, also usually based on their relationship with their parents.
Most of us are somewhere in between.

I don’t really know. I got married young to someone I probably didn’t really love, he never showed me much affection and I think he chose me for convenience. I divorced him after 10 years (should have done it sooner). I have been single for 7/8 years and haven’t really met anyone that makes me feel that they really want me. I am dating someone but I don’t feel that he would be too bothered if I dumped him tomorrow 🤔.

I don’t feel the need to be in a relationship, I guess it would be nice to feel someone wanted you, to feel they would walk over hot coal for you but there are many other pleasures in life.

Most of us are somewhere in between, yes. And most of us go through periods where we're not in a relationship and loved by a romantic/sexual partner. Some of us spend a lifetime single, and are emotionally healthy nonetheless.
Some people with the unhealthy beliefs you talk of are single, but many are in relationships, so the link is tenuous. I think on the basis of one post made while feeling down about being single, we shouldn't rush to pathologise the OPs single status.
If she thinks herself abnormal it's no doubt because our society pushes the idea that being single is abnormal, and indicative of something wrong that the individual can't find anyone to choose them. An idea that should be roundly challenged imo.

Wonderful. The love, the romantic letters, the security, being a team, great sex, planning a life together. It's awesome. Unfortunately after 25 years he told me he'd never been attracted to me and never loved me and it turned out it was all a sham - he'd just lied and lied and lied as he didn't want to be alone. I had no idea. At that point it's pretty damn shit.

If you want to meet someone you've got to be out meeting as many people as possible though. Go for it OP if that's what you would like.

I think if you see it as waiting to be chosen, it's unlikely to happen. I think we hold ourselves back because we feel we aren't good enough, then for many people there comes a point where we take some action and things change.

I met DP many years ago through the personal ads, before online dating was a thing. I met about 10 others before that who either weren't interested in me or I wasn't interested in them. I found DP attractive, we had some shared interests and we got on well in quite a low key way. It was very matter of fact and not at all romantic, but we have turned out to be very well suited and decades later, I realise how lucky we have been to have each other.

I'd been quite messed up and had some counselling. I got a new job which I enjoyed and where I felt valued, and was doing some voluntary work where I'd made new friends and again, felt liked and valued. So I had put myself a bit out of my comfort zone and started to make some small positive changes which weren't actually about dating.

There was a sense of me going "This isn't good enough and I actually believe I deserve better" that started a process that led to a relationship.

It has been far from perfect and there have been some tough patches, but we have muddled through, got better at recognising our patterns of reacting (and on a good day, laughing about it), and are stronger than ever.

I actually think you posting this is really positive because you are wondering out loud if it is possible. And some people will tell you that it is - and that might be the first step to you believing in yourself, making small positive changes, and becoming open to finding someone.

I wish you all the best in whatever unfolds for you from this tiny, tentative brave step!

That truly is shit, but also highly unlikely that he is telling the truth now. No-one has 25 years with someone without being attracted to them and loving them, at least at the start. He's said the most hurtful thing he can think of in an attempt to destroy you and justify his next selfish life choices, but it doesn't mean it's true. Please don't let it destroy you. He's a lying, selfish prick, but that doesn't mean you were unlovable.

I personally think so many women would be happier if they became their very own happy ever after.
Relationships are good when they're working, a nightmare when they're not. There is no guarantee, you could be happy in a relationship today, tomorrow he's packed his bags and gone, leaving you in the shit big time.
My advice would be yes by all means be open to a relationship, but at the same time always cover your back.
There's a saying "The person you'd take a bullet for you ends up being the one behind the gun" There's a lot of truth in that saying.
I have the attitude I'm going to have a good life no matter what, l take sole responsibility for my own happiness, you can't go far wrong with that way of thinking.

Are you NT OP because that's quite an ask of a question? And do you really want to hear the answer? Surely hearing about everyone's happy relationships will just make you feel more shit

I love my husband of 41 years dearly but don't see being in a relationship as romantically as you do. I wonder if working on your self esteem would help as no one should value themselves more if they have been "chosen" than if they are single either through choice or not. You know the saying you have to love yourself first before others can.

Do you have any interests where you could meet others not necessarily to be in a relationship but maybe connect with others if you feel lonely?