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Relationships

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Original poster

Attend funeral of exes family member?

17 replies

chocolateaddict231 · 15/04/2023 19:15

Hi all,

I hope you're well. This is a strange one.....I was in an on again off again three year relationship that I eventually ended in 2020. He was very hot and cold with me and would often leave when I needed him most, an example being when my Mum fell ill.

Cut to 2023 and he got back in touch at the start of the year. We've exchanged some friendly messages but his sister has passed away after a long illness. I've have tried to be kind via messages and I do really feel for him but i haven't seen him since 2020 and the more I think back on the past, the more I want to keep it that way. He was rarely kind to me at the time and sometimes I feel quite triggered being back in touch. My plan has been to phase out contact but now I'm wondering is it rude to drop contact/not attend the funeral as he goes through this time? I've always been far too soft on this man

OP posts:

Willywanderer · 15/04/2023 19:19

Definitely don't go

AuntieStella · 15/04/2023 19:21

If this was an ex who you'd been with for a couple of decades and whose friends/family you had independent relationships with, and if you wanted to go then of course it would be fine.

But this is someone you've been broken up from for about as long as the relationship lasted in the first place, and who you're iffy about.

I don't think anyone would expect you to be there.

Obviously it would be better to phase him out kindly, as you know he's going through a tough time. But as you don't want him in your life, then keep going with the phasing out

horridjobescapee · 15/04/2023 19:22

Don't go.

LIZS · 15/04/2023 19:23

Ot unless you were close to his sister

CantWait01 · 15/04/2023 19:24

I wouldn’t go.

Goodread1 · 15/04/2023 19:25

I agree with @AuntieStella
Sound Insightful emotional intelligence advice

Morningcoffeeview · 15/04/2023 19:25

Why would you? You don’t even sound like you’ve had anything to do with his sister. Odd suggestion OP.

Original poster

chocolateaddict231 · 15/04/2023 19:27

Thanks guys. I knew his family and sisters quite well but I don't think he would go if it was the other way around. Just wondering if I should give an excuse? Am trying hard to be the bigger person here

OP posts:

Original poster

chocolateaddict231 · 15/04/2023 19:28

Morningcoffeeview · 15/04/2023 19:25

Why would you? You don’t even sound like you’ve had anything to do with his sister. Odd suggestion OP.

I would have been close to her at the time but we didn't keep in touch.

OP posts:

NeverDropYourMooncup · 15/04/2023 19:29

Sounds like he could be hoping for a post funeral shag. You know, with all the emotions and sadness around, it's the perfect time for a selfish bastard to hope to get something out of it to make him feel better.

Just avoid - your life will be so much better that way.

billy1966 · 15/04/2023 19:36

Stop trying to be the bigger person.

It invariably is a people pleaser trait that bites you in the ass.

He wasn't nice to you.

He suited himself.

You have rightly decided to not go there.

Go cold on him, just like he did.

Stop engaging.

He's likely only out to use you again.

drpet49 · 15/04/2023 19:41

You sound like a bit of a chump OP. Why would you go, he didn’t even treat you well.

GoodChat · 15/04/2023 19:42

Just cut him off for your own sanity.

LakeTiticaca · 15/04/2023 19:51

Sad news about his sister dying but u owe him nothing
Block him

Skybluepinky · 15/04/2023 20:12

if u had children with them then Mayb, but def not in yr case.

GreenClock · 15/04/2023 20:56

I think that his sister’s family and friends would be surprised and confused if you showed up to her funeral three years after the end of a relatively short relationship with her brother. You could be perceived as rather odd, or desperate to rekindle the romance.

perfectcolourfound · 16/04/2023 07:44

You don't have to 'send apologies' for a funeral. Just don't turn up. If you send an apology it's like saying that you SHOULD be there but aren't. Whereas there's no reason for you to be there.

You weren't in touch with his sister and hadn't been for 3 years. You owe him nothing, so don't need to go to support him. And it won't do you any good to see him again.

Literally no advantage to you not being there. Noone else will expect you to be there.

Flip