Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would this concern you?

14 replies

Pepsimaxxxx · 15/04/2023 18:44

I've recently started dating again and met someone off tinder around 7 weeks ago. I'm 26 and he's 31. We get on really well and have spent lots of time together over the last few weeks. He's funny and seems really kind, but he still lives with his parents. It's not a huge issue, but I moved out when I was 19 and I honestly couldn't imagine still living at home way into my 30's. We don't particularly live in an expensive area.

One thing that's worrying me, is that he keeps on making comments about how skint he is. For example, he said last week that he was going to take on a few extra shifts in work because he was fed up of always being skint. I know he doesn't pay towards living at home because he told me. He has tried to give his mum money and apparently she's just refused. He does have a nice car (which I presume is on finance) but there's no way it would be more than a few hundred pounds a month. He's not stingy by any means and has paid for lunch/dinner every time, any activities that we've done (even though I've offered), bought me flowers etc. I just don't understand why he's skint when he doesn't have any large bills and earns a full time wage. I've known people to pretend their skint even when that's not the case, so maybe he's like that? It's very odd though.

OP posts:
TheWorldsGoneMadAndSoHaveI · 15/04/2023 18:46

Debt, addiction, gambling maybe

HowardKirksConscience · 15/04/2023 18:49

Have you asked?

“I don’t understand why you’re so skint” type of thing…

FuoriComeUnBalcone · 15/04/2023 18:54

This would absolutely concern me and I'd be asking how he can be skint.

Shoelacesundone · 15/04/2023 18:56

Well its just a comment. You say "a full.time wage" but that could be £30k or £80k...you mention shifts...

I think it's just an expression.

mindutopia · 15/04/2023 18:56

Yes, would be a red flag for me. I largely lived on my own from 17. I even lived abroad for several years. At 31, I was married, renting a lovely home, and about to have my first child (and drove an old banger). If I’d been living at home all those years, I would have been minted by 31. It would be a no from me unless he’s had a serious illness or something that led to a long period of unemployment.

Mumuser124 · 15/04/2023 18:57

You live to your means. He obviously spends his money on things some others may not be able to afford if paying bills.

I wouldn’t be concerned he had little money left over to spend at the end of the month, I’d be concerned if he didn’t have any savings or money to fall back on. It would show me he wasn’t really interested in planning for the future and lived more in the now.

Richierich77 · 15/04/2023 18:57

The fact that he still lives with his parents would be the deal breaker..that’s ridiculous

Sunnysunbun · 15/04/2023 20:39

Living with his parents isn't that big a deal. What does he do? Is he badly paid? Has he been in a proper relationship?

Babysharkdoodoodood · 15/04/2023 20:44

He's probably hinting for you to move him in and pay for everything.

Clementineorsatsuma · 15/04/2023 20:57

Richierich77 · 15/04/2023 18:57

The fact that he still lives with his parents would be the deal breaker..that’s ridiculous

It really isn't when rents are so high and rentals so scarce.

TomatoSandwiches · 15/04/2023 21:03

Unless there are extenuating circumstances then still living with parents at that age and being skint is a red flag, he should have savings at least?
I'd ask him why he is apparently skint and go from there.

Richierich77 · 15/04/2023 22:24

Clementineorsatsuma · 15/04/2023 20:57

It really isn't when rents are so high and rentals so scarce.

If he was 21 maybe by by 31 I would expect him to have his life sorted & def not be living with parents its way too old

GreenClock · 15/04/2023 22:26

Its rare that a 31 yo would be happy living with parents. And skint too? Two unappealing things right there.

validnumber · 15/04/2023 22:31

The red flag here is that he is living rent free but has no savings.
It isn't a big deal they he gets on well enough with his family to still live with them.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page