Hand hold please

[cricketcrit]

Please, I need someone to hold my hand and tell me I am going to be OK.

I have no family support (estranged from my siblings after abusive childhood). They were absolutely horrible towards me. I live with the trauma of their emotional abuse every day.

I made peace with my elderly parents now they have dementia . I see them every week or so , they live 300 miles away. I take them to their appointments. I do my duty. I love them still even when they were unkind.

I have no parents in laws.

My husband is a currently sober and we are working on our marriage. It has been very hard - I support his commitment to making things better. When well and healthy he is a good partner and dad.

I have 3 children - all very clever , kind people but also very very exhausting emotionally.

I work flexibly - mainly around the children's timings . I do about 30 hours a week. We live within out means , financially we are stable. My husband works fulltime in a very stressful job.

I feel frazzled and at the end of my tether. I am not suicidal but I sometimes i wish i had a terminal illness and had an "excuse" to disappear. I would never abandon my family in reality.

I have a lot of friends but they do not know about my DH and have relied on them too much already when I went no contact with my siblings.

Outwardly i look fine. I exercise, I am presentable, I see friends.

Inside I just want to disappear. I feel inadequate, not good enough and a bad parent. I have horrible nightmares most nights about my birth family. I have had therapy which helped a bit at the time but don't know what i am aiming for if I have more.

Hi @cricketcrit you have a huge amount going on in your life, I’m not surprised that you have a desire to “escape” this. Have you spoken to your GP? Do you get time for yourself?

I too think you should try to.get professional help. Yiu haveva lot to.deal.with. Hand hold. Take care.

Sending you a hug and hand hold. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. You sound very strong please remember to stay strong you need time to look after yourself.

someone described it to me like why you have to put your own oxygen mask on first before you help someone else. Please remember this as it sounds like you are very busy looking after everybody and working.

Please look after yourself mentally and physically. Your feeling are a sign I think you need to do this.
From your post it sounds like you are looking after everyone but who is looking after you?

I am sure you are a good person. Be kind to you. I know how hard that is but try please.