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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

New guy

20 replies

wheresthehope · 15/04/2023 10:36

Hi all, can I please pick your brains 🙏
So I am recently single from the father of my 2 little kids. I joined tinder and matched with what seems like a brilliant guy! Chatting through messenger for 6 weeks till we/he found time to meet. This is after other things popping up so having to cancel plans we had made ( both to blame there)
2 weeks since we meet which went great, he had got me flowers as I had just had my dog pts, he cooked me a lovely dinner and watched a movie/chatted.
I did stay over (Few drinks) but didn’t sleep together.
still messaging since but again other plans have popped up when we were meant to catch up again today.
I get people are busy but I feel this is a total waste of my time!
Any advice please!

OP posts:

Chamomileteaplease · 15/04/2023 10:39

Ok, well just to warn you, everyone here, including me is going to say: what the hell were you doing going to the house of a complete stranger???? Really, really stupid thing to do.

With regard to his behaviour, well what was the reason he cancelled this time?

Surely while you were at his house having dinner (😯) you talked about how available you both were and what sort of contact you both wanted and were able to have.

samestyle · 15/04/2023 10:42

If it keeps happening then it's probably down to not that interested, there's isn't going to be that many times when it's a genuine reason to cancel plans.

Original poster

wheresthehope · 15/04/2023 10:45

I get that 😥
Today was more he ended up getting a message from some mates that they were coming over for a few beers and to play some tunes. For the record he does this often at his place . He did say I was welcome to come along but as I’ve not met his mates I opted not to.
im not sure it’s not that he doesn’t want to see me just he double books himself

OP posts:

ScabbyHorse · 15/04/2023 10:46

Yes I think he should've taken you out somewhere, he's supposed to be making a good impression

changerlot712 · 15/04/2023 10:50

He's not bothered about making an effort for you. Ditch and move on.

Chamomileteaplease · 15/04/2023 10:51

So he had an arrangement with you but then told his friends yes they could come over. Charming.

He is either an idiot who thinks you would want to join in with his friends drinking beer and "listening to tunes" when you don't even know him, or he really isn't bothered about you. Shame.

Time to get back to Tinder I would say. And try not to waste six weeks before you meet the next one in a public place!

Original poster

wheresthehope · 15/04/2023 10:54

That is what I need to keep telling myself!

OP posts:

Cleoforever · 15/04/2023 11:01

According to your other post… you have a baby who is 9 months old.

OP you have just split up with your ex

just hunker down and focus on yourself and your children

forget all this nonsense

Original poster

wheresthehope · 15/04/2023 11:15

A year old now. Wasn’t the greatest of relationships with the kids dad thought but yes your right

OP posts:

Cleoforever · 15/04/2023 11:16

I am Op

just get yourself off the apps

and focus on your babies and you for the time being

tothelefttotheleft · 15/04/2023 11:44

wheresthehope · 15/04/2023 11:15

A year old now. Wasn’t the greatest of relationships with the kids dad thought but yes your right

I don't see why you can't date and be a parent?!

He had plans with you and dropped them for his mates. That is unacceptable.

samestyle · 15/04/2023 11:52

After reading your update, I wouldn't waste a minute more on him, if a man is that into seeing a woman, he will rather cancel his mates especially that their only plans were to drink beer around his! he can do that anytime but he doesn't have long to make the best impression on you.

PousseyNotMoira · 15/04/2023 11:55

How long ago did you end things with your ex? How long have you been single?

Original poster

wheresthehope · 15/04/2023 18:07

I moved out early December but things had been quite bad for a long while before I left.

With the guy I has met ( we started chatting mid February) I wasn’t looking to jump back in to a serious relationship but to date and get to know each other however he seems to have trouble saying no to his friends when he’s arranged something with me

OP posts:

Watchkeys · 15/04/2023 18:15

im not sure it’s not that he doesn’t want to see me just he double books himself

So? Do you want someone who double books himself and chooses the other option over you? Because that's what you've got. There's no lack of clarity here; if you want someone who prioritises you, keep looking.

Dery · 15/04/2023 18:15

@wheresthehope - I agree that this guy isn’t that interested. If he was, he would not get sidetracked by friends coming round. What is the rush, though? Why not just spend some time single?

ChrisTrepidation · 15/04/2023 19:48

He's not interested.

He's low effort in literally every way.

You have a baby. Continue going to the houses of men you've never met before and they might end up growing up without a mother!

You've been split up from your ex for all of five seconds. Concentrate on your child and healing. You shouldn't even be asking other people's opinions of this guy. You should be able to see for yourself that he's a dick!

PousseyNotMoira · 15/04/2023 22:06

wheresthehope · 15/04/2023 18:07

I moved out early December but things had been quite bad for a long while before I left.

So, you were single for about a month? Why? Why are you immediately looking to date? You’ve just come out of a relationship, take a beat, draw your breath and get comfortable being alone. Do not immediately seek out alternative male validation as it will almost certainly end poorly.

B1rd · 15/04/2023 23:46

The best thing you can do is be single for a year. In that time you'll realise that you don't need a man, you'll discover your independence, because you can do pretty much everything by yourself. . You'll be so choosy the next time around. You wont NEED a man, you'd LIKE one.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/04/2023 23:54

Focus on yourself, your future, and how you're going to provide for your kids. Do you really want all of this nonsense in your life right now?

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