I feel trapped and stuck in this marriage

[dontknowwhattodo6]

Hoping I can get some advice here.

I am early 30s and live with my husband, but he is my husband in name only. We do nothing together, we have separate beds and it's a very toxic situation. He shouts at me for anything and everything and as a result, I just try and stay out of his way. We have been married for 4 years and I regretted it from the start, and the relationship has declined every day since.

But despite this crap situation, he does not want to go our separate ways. He is happy living in this toxic housemate situation, because he has a very easy life. He does what he wants, goes where he wants and we are comfortable financially. He has no interest in sex anymore, so he has no motivation to find another relationship either.

We share a mortgage and that is the biggest issue. I feel trapped because this is my home, where I live, and where my money is tied up (in the property). He does not want to split up and sell because he has an easy life the way it is, so I am stuck.

For a long time I have told myself I will just live like this. I'll find happiness in other ways - my own company, hobbies, friends. But sometimes I feel bitter about my life. I hate being in a sexless marriage and I'm ashamed to say I had a short affair. It made me feel human and desired again, but I felt immoral for doing this of course. I asked my husband if he would agree to divorce and sell the house if I had sex with another man, and he said no he wouldn't, but he would call me a whore everyday.

I know I could get lawyers involved to make him sell but that would cost £££ and I don't know how it all works. I don't have anywhere I can go in the meantime either. Obviously renting is an option, but there doesn't seem to be many rentals within budget near me. And even if I leave and rent, that doesn't solve the issue of getting the house sold.

If I carry on like this for the next few years I'll be destroyed mentally, but I just don't know what to do.
I don't want an ugly situation but that's what it is.

Sorry you are in this situation
You need to sort it out for your own well being.
You can still divorce him without his consent - you can apply online to start the process
It is the financials that will be contentious if he refuses and needs to be sorted ideally before the divorce is finalised
House wise he might change his mind when he sees you are divorcing him
The £££ will be as you say if he refuses to sell but he will also have to pay I would expect if it goes to court and reality hits.
You need to call his bluff and start the process anyway - you cannot do nothing is my opinion.
Good luck

You need to put yourself first, you're not happy and it sounds like things are never going to change. It won't be an easy process but will be worth it in the end. I agree with previous poster you need to start divorce proceedings and if needs be the courts will force his hand with regards to the house.
We only get one shot at this thing called life and you don't want to look back on it in 10, 20, 30 years time with regret.
What do you want for your future? A family? Children? That aside you do want happiness and it sounds like you're not going to get it staying in this marriage.
I lived with my ex husband before we sold the house and got divorced and it wasn't easy but once it was all sorted I felt so much freer and found a part of me that I didn't know I had lost!

You've got this!

You need to speak to a lawyer first for advice, I did and it was a free phone call there are things that can be put in place ...something called a financial order I think it was and it cost about £500. But definitely seek advice ...maybe citizens advice?

Also don't feel guilty about the short affair, as you've said you're married in name only...and you're only human! But use that ...what if you wanted to be with that person you met? How would you go forward with it?

You're husband sounds horrible! Sorry to say this x

i dont get it, why do you put money over your own hapiness and health? over your life, over years of your life. MORE MONEY you can always Make, but your years wasted you cannot get back,,, for 4 walls? why are 4 walls more important than yourself?

But a mortgage is easy to fix- sell and split. He doesn’t get to hold you in the marriage without your consent.
Honestly, don’t waste time being in an unhappy marriage