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Original poster

Exes family

13 replies

OhMyCherriePie · 14/04/2023 23:02

How involved are your exes family when it comes to your child? I often see posts on here from single mums and it’s always advised to reach out to the exes family as they would love to have a relationship with the child(ren), posters falling over themselves to say how involved they would be but has anyone else found that their exes family don’t bother with their children at all? My exes family have never met my youngest who is 6, he doesn’t have parents but he does have siblings and they’ve never met her or shown any interest at all, is this normal? If your brother had a child would you want to meet them? He never mentions his family never says they wished her a happy birthday or anything. I’m thinking this is more common than what I see on MN from people saying how involved they would be. What are other people’s experiences of their exes family? How involved are they?

OP posts:
clpsmum · 14/04/2023 23:30

My exes whole family cut me and my dc off when ex and I split

Valid8me · 14/04/2023 23:36

Honestly? If my brother had a 6 year old with an ex, then I probably wouldn't be bothered about meeting them unless he had 50/50 shared custody or similar where the child was with him a lot.

Why? I dont think I would feel that the child was anything to do with me, I know we would obviously be related and share DNA but that wouldn't make much difference.

It's hard to explain.

Original poster
OhMyCherriePie · 14/04/2023 23:45

Valid8me · 14/04/2023 23:36

Honestly? If my brother had a 6 year old with an ex, then I probably wouldn't be bothered about meeting them unless he had 50/50 shared custody or similar where the child was with him a lot.

Why? I dont think I would feel that the child was anything to do with me, I know we would obviously be related and share DNA but that wouldn't make much difference.

It's hard to explain.

Thank you for your honesty I think far more people feel this way than they would admit and that’s what I suppose I was getting at I often see people saying on MN saying how interested the family will be and how involved they would want to be but I don’t believe that’s the case (for most)

OP posts:
RoseMartha · 15/04/2023 00:23

My exh family also cut me off. Dd's are not allowed to talk about me or mention my name on the odd occasion they see extended family. I divorced exh for his unreasonable behaviour (he was abusive), and they dont think he did anything wrong because they believe whatever he told them which clearly was not the truth. I have also bumped into them in town with dd's in tow, they spoke to dd's but blanked me like I wasn't there.

ComputerWifeKaren · 15/04/2023 01:28

Not at all. Which I’m extremely grateful for. They were hugely toxic when I knew them. Ex dropped off the face of the world 3 years ago and most of his original family have died. The rest don't bother, which is more than fine by me. I'd rather be a lone parent without support than harassed endlessly. Quite honestly, it's sheer relief to be free.

SnotSnotSnottySnot · 15/04/2023 04:05

Exh doesn't much of a relationship with his own sister but I've ensured my kids have stayed in touch with her. They have a better relationship with her now than they ever did when I was with exh. She's their only family apart from me!

Coyoacan · 15/04/2023 05:03

I was very fortunate in my ex's family, they were a huge support. I had actually meant to cut him out completely as I'd separated from him when I was pregnant and we weren't married, but because of his wonderful parents and siblings I had to keep up contact.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 15/04/2023 05:09

I think a lot depends on their relationship with the Dad.

my exes family are very involved with our girls, he’s not, but they think he’s an arse as much as I do and reached out themselves to me when the girls were young and he wasn’t bothering.

MayThe4th · 15/04/2023 05:21

My ex’s family are wonderful people. My DC’s relationship with their dad was difficult growing up, so they had to have a relationship with me in order to see them. But the dc are grown up now and I still have a lovely relationship with ILs.

Original poster
OhMyCherriePie · 15/04/2023 13:56

It’s nice to hear that some have a good relationship with their exes family! That would have been nice since ex is so rubbish would have been nice for the children to know the other “side” of them all they know is ex has a brother and sister but they’ve never bothered with them and don’t know anything about them, seems odd to me.

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Navigatingthroughlife · 16/04/2023 10:22

My brothers got two sons 6 and 4 and I absolutely adore them…as does my whole family. Their mum isn’t the best mum to be honest and my brother ends up picking up majority of the slack but as a family we all help out. I suppose the saying it takes a village to raise a baby? But in answer to your question before and after they separated them boys are still my world

threecupsofteaminimum · 16/04/2023 15:21

My ex's family have unlimited access to our DS however they can't stand me! They don't even speak my name and when ex is is their company he speaks to me differently. I'm above their nastiness and am just letting hoist their own petard in the long term.

Original poster
OhMyCherriePie · 16/04/2023 16:12

That’s a shame, there was never any animosity between me and his siblings so I’m not sure what it is I guess some people just aren’t interested in nieces / nephews. Would have been nice for the kids to know their wider family but it is what it is.

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