How the F do I start dating if I’ve never done it before?

[NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs]

Yes, I get that I have to go to an app or site, but then what.

I know nothing!
I’m absolutely terrified, it won’t be likely that I get any likes or whatever they are called, I’m ugly (please no comments about ’self-esteem, I own a mirror and never, even once have I been asked out - hence online, so I know where I stand).

But I have to do something, I’m genuinely scared I will die alone and I’m beyond done being alone.

I have no clue what to do.

You'll be fine! With OLD, I found the key was to do it when I had time - I did it during the holidays and it was easy-peasy because anyone who got in touch had a very quick 'let's meet up' rather than getting sucked into long online conversations. I particularly enjoyed the four dates in one weekend binge that culminated in meeting DP.

Stack them up and assume that each date won't last more than 2 hrs including travel and you will squeeze in more than you think on your free days.

Assume that the majority of dates will feel like pleasant conversations with colleagues you don't know that well and you won't go far wrong, but don't ignore any hint of a feeling that you might be more interested than that.

You just think "they are fucking lucky to be messaging me/meeting me"

And walk away if you feel uncomfortable about ANYTHING anything at all.

Stay public.

Enjoy the conversation.

Have no expectations.
Remember plenty more fish in the sea.

Have fun.

Honestly, not having anyone interested isin’t the thing that scares me, it’s the having to tell (I assume past relationships and what not comes up) that I have no, I mean no experience at all.
And they will think I’m a freak / red flag.

By the time you are discussing that, they will know you quite well, so they don’t.

If they ask early doors about previous relationships you say not for a good while, and, (if you want), I’ve been busy x, but now I’m dating.

Cross one bridge at a time.

Also at no point do you need to tell everyone everything. My partner (of many years) doesn’t know how many men I’ve slept with, I don’t know how many women he’s slept with. Not because either of us is secretive, I just don’t think a competition with the past is relevant.

Nothing really happens on OLD. A lot of sad and hopeless and desperate men looking for casual sex and hook ups dressed up as dates. They'll love the fact you have a low "body count". Be careful what you share withe them!

I know you don't want comments about your self esteem but you need to be very careful online, men will pick up any weakness/vulnerability quite quickly.
If you don't feel 'worthy' because you feel you are unattractive they will pick up on this and use it to their advantage.
Be very careful of anyone promising you the earth early on, if you want to have sex with them go for it but don't assume that it means they intend to marry you and ride of into the sunset together.
There are loads of online resources about love bombers and future fakers etc (they just used to be called players when I was a youth!) so maybe read up on things like that before you start dating.

Don't feel forced to disclose anything about your past, therein madness lies. If you connect with someone who presses you for that kind of info then walk away swiftly, none of their business. Anyone half reasonable will keep the topics of conversation light and general to start with.

you may need to face the fact that OLD isn't right for you, if you're that inexperienced - because you won't have a clue who people are, what their background is, whether they have positive intent or not. There are time wasters out there who don't have positive intent. A bit like a blind date or walking into a crowded pub and striking up conversation with complete strangers. Not for the faint-hearted!

The good thing is that you can have some initial exchanges of email and phone calls and get a general sense of whether they can string a sentence together or not - trust your People aren't always who they say they are, so take care.