Husband/in law/extended family strain

[Lost2023]

I don’t know if this is the right place for this but here goes. Reaching out on here as I don’t want to share these troubles with friends.
been with my husband for 11 years, married for 7. 2 kids age 5 & 2.5 yrs.

husband has always been a people pleaser, always tells people what they want to hear to keep them happy. Exaggerates or fabricated things to suit the audience. Tells white lies
on a regular basis.

we haven’t been in a great place for a while & things have been rocky. We have drifted since we had children. He works long hours & I spend a lot of time alone with the children. It has led to a segregation feeling of our family unit of 4.

we have had our fair share of arguments with his family (mum/dad/sister) since 2020. A lot of awful things got said by them about me/us/our life but I have remained silent & never retaliated. Husband backed us fully (I think….)

he has got to a civil place with his sis but tells me their relationship is finished & he is only doing this for his Mums sake. Fair enough. His sis & I do not talk since the rows.

today my husband took our kids over to see their cousins, said it was a casual pop over to their house. He has since text me to say they have all gone out for dinner leaving me at home thinking it was only a quick visit……I am unsure how I feel about this. Numb is the first feeling & I have lots of thoughts spinning round about how this isn’t right & feels so wrong towards me…..

I am just looking for other people’s thoughts here & help as I feel very lost with my life & my marriage

You seem to be taking his going out for dinner personally. Though I do think he should've asked you, and wonder why he didn't.
Could there be something more happening, I.e. Someone is ill / getting married / etc and they need to talk things through?

Why are you numb? He's taken the DC out for food. He's let you know. Did he have to ask permission? If he had, would you have told him he wasn't allowed to go?

Are they sucking him back in and egging him to be untruthful with you op?

With the family they're almost estranged with. Who have been awful to the OP

It's not just taking the DC out for food at all

@Nanny0gg thanks for your reply but I'll wait to hear back from OP herself rather than getting into a conversation with a random who hasn't got any more information than I do.

Just a random who can read...

@Nanny0gg lonely tonight? In a bad mood? Desperate for someone to talk to or argue with? As I said, not up gor conversation with you

OP, are you now suspecting he's actually been fairly cordial with his sister and has been telling "white lies" to you?

This is the trouble with people pleasers, you can't really trust them.

People pleasers have no boundaries and can be difficult to trust. People pleasers with a penchant for lying every time they open their mouths are impossible to have a healthy, happy relationship with.

Not sure why you are feeling numb? Is it because you feel excluded from his life and don't feel like a family unit?

I think the real issue is.between you and your husband. You admit to drifting a part after children.

How are you both addressing the elephant in the room?

In need of some advice…

Married for 4 years, have 4 year old son. Marriage not great 99%. Son is scared of his father as am I.

have a strained relationship with his family as every time we see them they are rude to me and horrible.

get no support from my husband about anything

narcissistic behaviour, makes me and my son feel scared to talk or do anything in our own home. Picks fights over nothing or if something happens me and I’m upset he makes it out that it’s all about him and starts an argument.
tells me to f**k off regularly, and slams doors and cupboards to frighten us.

what should I do? Do I stay or just go?

@Lostinmarriage2023 you will get better responses if you start your own thread. I'll report your post in case it can be moved.