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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I'm ruining my relationship

3 replies

Itsvalentino · 14/04/2023 12:07

Been with DP for 12 years, I have 2 DD's, (not his kids) they're mid-late teens.

We bought a dooer upper house last August, it needs a LOT of work, it's liveable but not really suitable for us as a family, as it is. We both thought we knew what we were in for, but as always we thought wrong.

I'm having a really hard time at the moment, the house move, I have an awful job, which I'm trying to leave but it's not as simple as resigning, and to top it off my Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.

All of the above is just turning me into a vile person, I am angry, I am bitter, I am picking and poking and snapping at my partner, this morning I basically called him thick, I am horrible and I know I am, I know that I am bang out of order for what I'm doing, but I'm just so fucking sad.

I hate hate hate myself and my life.

OP posts:

heathspeedwell · 14/04/2023 12:11

You don't sound like a hateful person at all. You just sound like someone who has an awful lot on your plate.

heathspeedwell · 14/04/2023 12:14

Dooer uppers always take longer and cost more than people expect, just try to focus on making one room nice so you can relax there and then do your daughter's rooms, so you don't feel so stressed.

Also if you're late 30s or in you 40s could you be perimenopausal? I was angry all the time until I went on HRT. It's an absolute godsend, so might be worth thinking about.

Sorry to hear about your dad's diagnosis.

Original poster

Itsvalentino · 14/04/2023 12:37

heathspeedwell · 14/04/2023 12:14

Dooer uppers always take longer and cost more than people expect, just try to focus on making one room nice so you can relax there and then do your daughter's rooms, so you don't feel so stressed.

Also if you're late 30s or in you 40s could you be perimenopausal? I was angry all the time until I went on HRT. It's an absolute godsend, so might be worth thinking about.

Sorry to hear about your dad's diagnosis.

I'm turning 40 next week.

I knew the house would be hard, but we agreed to only buy this particular house if certain things were done, DP is insisting on doing most of the work himself, and although he's doing a good job, he's taking so long. We also can't agree on anything, he thinks roller blinds, I think slatted, he'd like grey windows, I think we stick with white, on and on it goes.

My opinions and ideas get ignored at work, having it done to me at home too really fucks me off.

I'm also a fixer, and the fact that I can't fix or help my dad is not helping at all. I feel like I have no control over any part of my life. DP knows this, he knows I'm at breaking point, he promises to help in the moment, but then seems to forget and move on by the next day, and thinks everything is hunky dory again.

OP posts:

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