What do I do?

[ifeelnumb]

Hi
I haven't posted much but have name changed for this thread anyway.

Married for 25years, 2 teenage children.

About 4 years ago my DH had what I called an emotional affair but because physical sex was not involved my DH thought is was just harmless banter. They definately didnt meet up in person but there was some sexting involved. She was an old girlfriend from many many years ago. Anyway, we worked through it, he realised he had overstepped the mark, apologised profusely, and agreed to cut all contact with her. I thought we were doing OK, sex has definately reduced but otherwise we seemed to be in a good place. I've just seen her number flash up on his phone. I'm devastated! How do I deal with this? Do I give him the opportunity to explain or do I just dump his stuff on the drive??

Even if he’s away with friends he’s clearly planning to use the time to contract her without you noticing. Only he messaged her too early, clearly.

She phones just as he reaches the station for a trip away, wow, what a coincidence.

Aside from the fact, I think he’s gone away with her too, you are in reconciliation and he has crossed the line you must have drawn to be where you are.

I can’t bare cheats like this, the ones who have seen you on the floor in a puddle and still feel entitled and selfish enough to carry on. It takes a certain level of nasty to know the damage you’ve caused and carry on. What an utter creep.

I’d get my ducks in a row.

I’m so sorry. I hope you’re ok this morning.

Can you spy on him where he’s staying? I bet he’s with her.

Or call the hotel?

Thanks everyone for your support and advice. Im not interested in staking out the hotel or video calling, I realised that even if he hasn’t been in contact with her and yesterdays call was complete coincidence, he has unblocked her number (which was a condition of us moving forward) and I have lost all trust so actually whether he’s with her this weekend or not, we are done! I’m going to spend the rest of the weekend getting ducks in a row. I’m sad that it’s come to this but I’m not prepared to live with a liar who has no respect for me or our marriage ☹️

Wise. He wasn't scared of losing you. If he'd been determined not to lose you he wouldn't have done this in the first place. Or, if he did it anyway never thinking for a moment that it'd be the end of your relationship then he doesn't respect you. He thinks you have a low bar.

This. Confide in someone who can help with this. Play your cards close until you have all the info you need to proceed

I’m glad you’ve made that decision.

Attempting to repair after betrayal is HARD and the thought that he’s squandered that for ongoing ego boosts and validation is disgusting.

You drew a line in the sand and he crossed it. What an absolute shit he is.

I know you’re feeling decisive and clear but I’m sending you a (unmumsnetty) hug because I can imagine you’re in bits.

Good luck.

I hope you are doing ok OP! That must feel like such a betrayal.

I’ve been through something similar to this with my husband and an ex-girlfriend.
He cut all contact and if I found him back in touch with her, my marriage would 100% be over, no questions asked.
If something has to be kept a secret, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.

I had this excuse from my exh( and saw texts)
It was OW... sorry

Posted too soon
You have made the right decision