im looking for opinions … 13 years ago DH had an emotional affair, I believe it may have been physical also as I received an anonymous letter telling me he had slept with this person at a work party, the night of the party he didn’t come home, said he’d stayed with a friend. Even after all this came out he continued to see her because she was his friend and helping him through a difficult point in our marriage. He eventually agreed to go to counselling and we moved on though it was immensely difficult with an awful lot of hurt on my part. He cut off all contact with her though she texts him every year on his bday.
It took years for me to build up some trust in him. We had three children. In the intervening years the other woman became friends with DH sis to the point they go on hols together, nights out etc. DH sis is aware of the history between him and the other woman. But lately this woman has become very involved with the care of DH father, she is a nurse and DH sis often relies on her when he becomes ill. So in turn DH is back in contact with her. He says he has told me all the times they have been in contact and texted but I’m finding it so hard to trust him. He caught me checking his phone about two weeks ago and things have deteriorated between us. I told him this situation is all his fault as he put me in this position but he refuses to accept this. She now actively visits DH fathers in his home and convalescence home and he has become very reliant on her and fond of her.
We are all in our early 40s and all live within about ten miles of each other. I see this other woman regularly though have never spoken to her.
My question is am I right to be uncomfortable with this situation , am I dragging up the past ? Or have I valid reasons to be upset about this ?
Many thanks for reading.