Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Facebook Dating App - Notification

20 replies

MarianaR · 13/04/2023 14:55

Hi all,
I know there’s been threads about this before, but my boyfriend recently cheated on my through a dating app, it was emotional cheating and he swears he was only talking to the girl for two days, after a row. He has apologised, said it was stupid, and then said he needed space. He’s been living at his mum’s and me at our home, with our dog. I want to try and forgive him, I was waiting for him to decide whether or not he’s willing to fight for and work towards our relationship and building that trust again. Last night he said he would fight and that he will arrange couples counselling etc.
This morning I noticed he still had our most recent pictures not showing on Facebook and his profile was still changed to just him. I asked him why and he said he didn’t know why I couldn’t see our photos, they were showing on his page. He then sent me a screenshot, and that’s when I saw this Facebook dating notification.
The app he said he was using wasn’t this one, but another well known one, and he said he’d deleted it. There was no mention of this… does this notification mean he’s still active on it?
I have never been on anything like this, so I have no clue. He swears he doesn’t know why it’s there and sent me another screenshot to show me it was asking him to sign up. Does anyone know more, please?
5 years of my life with a man I thought was my whole future, I’m heartbroken and so shocked.

Sensitive content
Facebook Dating App - Notification
OP posts:
Specso · 13/04/2023 15:14

I think it actually is possible to get this notification without being active on there but only if you’ve recently changed your Facebook status from ‘in a relationship’ to single or divorced/separated OR if you’ve previously used Facebook dating and they’re trying to encourage you back on it. This is only my knowledge on it and I can’t say that’s definite.

Either way, I’d take the time to think about what you really want rather than waiting/worrying about what he wants. He’s cheated and has then been having you ‘wait’ for his decision about whether he even wants to try. You deserve to feel loved and secure with someone who’s certain about you and the relationship. It may feel like the end of the world now but it won’t always.

Original poster
MarianaR · 13/04/2023 15:32

Hi Specso,

Thanks so much for your reply, so I suppose he could have signed up to that too when we fell out.. I’ll have to ask him face-to-face and see if he’s willing to be truthful.
Everyone is so shocked by this of him, it’s so out of character, which makes me think he’s struggling with communicating about something, that’s probably why I’ve been soft.
All my friends and family have been saying the same about him having me wait, it’s been like torture, but you’re right, I do deserve that
Thank you again.

OP posts:
Fedupofdiets · 13/04/2023 15:55

Honestly OP I wouldnt be hanging around to see if he wants to make it work. I found my stbxh profile on a dating website last year, like you I wanted to make it work and after 4 months apart I decided to give it another try. I have become an insecure mess, feeling like I am not good enough and worried about what he will do next. I came to the realisation 6 weeks ago that I am not going to live the rest of my life watching over his shoulder and that I deserve better from a partner who is supposed to love me.

The FB thing is irrelevant as you are already highly suspicious and believe me that feeling will not leave you it only eats your self esteem. Sending hugs because it is a horrible feeling.

Pseudonamed · 13/04/2023 16:19

Men in relationships should not be on dating apps. Not even once would I forgive I would be gone quicker than he could apologise.

concernedalot · 13/04/2023 17:03

Agree that men in relationships should not be on dating sites, or even men who claim to have just split up, or whatever else. They really are wasting time for genuine people who want to find love. So that reason alone would make him a loser. If he is the type to sign up to a dating site after an argument, that makes him a loser too. If he is still in a relationship with you and on a dating site, that makes him dishonest and deceitful, so he's also a loser for that reason. Honestly, I'm sorry you've had 5 years with him but don't waste another 5 years trying to forgive him because he doesn't deserve it

northernlight20 · 13/04/2023 17:16

I was once signed up to fb dating and that was the only time I ever got notifications such as that one. Once I deleted my profile, I’ve never ever received further notifications so yep, sorry he’s definitely still on fb dating. I would definitely move on if I were you.

Mumofnarnia · 13/04/2023 19:44

As far as I’m aware you only get notifications for fb dating if you’re using it.

Also I find it suspicious that he’s changed his profile picture to only him and that the pictures of you both are hidden, seems like he’s changed the privacy settings so that nobody else can see the pictures except him and then sent you a screenshot to ‘prove’ they are still there while gaslighting you into thinking you’re going mad because you can’t see them!
Honestly I dated a man like this before and I didn’t know at the time that I was the other woman. He had also done the same thing. Changed his privacy settings so that the picture could only be seen by himself so that pictures of him and his wife together were completely hidden from the rest of his friends/ family etc so that any potential person he wanted to cheat with would not know he had a wife and then added me on his fb. His friends list was also hidden, so was any posts that he’d been tagged in.

So from experience I’m sorry to say that it looks like the intent to cheat is there, if he hasn’t done so already!

LadyJ2023 · 13/04/2023 19:57

Are you seriously thinking he's going to be truthful...cmon the truth is in your face so listen move on and find someone worth you. Cheating is cheating and you only know of the ones you found out. Screenshots lol can be downloaded from anywhere with anything as can pics saying he left sites etc etc. Your worth a man not a scumbag

WatieKatie · 14/04/2023 02:04

Has he given an indication on when he’s planning on returning home? Are you still spending time together?

There is a good chance he’s on dating sites and actively using them, hence his need for ‘space’. Could you sign up for a few under a false name to see if his profile comes up? I don’t know whether this is possible for Facebook dating as I’ve never used it. I’d be highly suspicious.

LYDIAtyto · 14/04/2023 09:20

Agree with everyone else,you need to be happy and loved.You deserve better.Bin him off!

YouJustDoYou · 14/04/2023 09:26

"Everyone is so shocked by this of him, it’s so out of character, which makes me think he’s struggling with communicating about something, that’s probably why I’ve been soft"

No, OP. It's not "out of character". When these men do this, it was in them to begin with. It happen so, so many times that the partner says "oh he would NEVER cheat on me! Everyone says how wonderful he is, what a great guy!", but then sadly the partner finds out that actually he's been shagging Stacey from Accounts.

Porkchops22 · 14/04/2023 12:15

You said that he decided he needed space and moved out. It seems he doesn't want to fight for you, and when he got caught, instead of trying to sort it, he left.
You will always be wondering if you take him back. Does he even want to come back?
Let him go.

Original poster
MarianaR · 15/04/2023 12:01

Thank you everyone, I’m seeing him tomorrow.
I don’t know what I’m expecting from him to be honest. He he been showing me he’s sorry, he says it was a stupid mistake and he should never have done it. If he doesn’t even want to move back in with me and our dog, he clearly doesn’t want to commit to our relationship does he? I feel like I’ve been grieving for a week, it’s so painful.

OP posts:
horrayforharoldlloyd · 15/04/2023 12:28

You only get a notification like this if you are signed up. 100%.

Fedupofdiets · 15/04/2023 14:01

Why would you want him back after he has potentially tried to cheat on you? He should be banging on the door begging you not taking a week to make up his mind. I can promise you this will eat at you and you will never trust him again, I know this through bitter experience. I miss my stbxh every single day and I am so so lonely. He would get back together today if I asked him but I just will not and cannot live with the knowledge he was sniffing around other women. Give another try by all means but I can guarantee this will not be the end of his wondering eye as much as you may try and convince yourself it will be.

Chicky101 · 05/09/2023 12:53

This has appeared on my other half's account. I don't have it on mine. I have updated my app. Nothing. I have deleted and reinstalled the app. Nothing. Changed my status to single. Nothing. Definitely over 18. Nothing. It looks as though I have to request Dating and create a profile for it to appear? So how could this automatically appear on his account, and not mine? Even if he isn't using Facebook Dating, have they picked up on his phone use and found him using dating media elsewhere? This is worrying me, too. I feel your pain.😕

northernlight20 · 05/09/2023 13:09

Chicky101 · 05/09/2023 12:53

This has appeared on my other half's account. I don't have it on mine. I have updated my app. Nothing. I have deleted and reinstalled the app. Nothing. Changed my status to single. Nothing. Definitely over 18. Nothing. It looks as though I have to request Dating and create a profile for it to appear? So how could this automatically appear on his account, and not mine? Even if he isn't using Facebook Dating, have they picked up on his phone use and found him using dating media elsewhere? This is worrying me, too. I feel your pain.😕

u may need to start your own thread for replies,but it looks like your partner has signed up as you only get notifications when signed up.

Chicky101 · 05/09/2023 13:22

May well need to. He didn't have notifications that I could see, just the heart symbol where all the others are for "home", "marketplace" "friend requests" etc. 😳

northernlight20 · 05/09/2023 17:11

the heart symbols means someone has liked his profile

Chicky101 · 06/09/2023 10:50

northernlight20 · 05/09/2023 17:11

the heart symbols means someone has liked his profile

Hi, does the heart symbol appear at any other time? What do people tap on to go into "dating"? The same way we have a symbol for "home", marketplace" and "friend requests," is there a permanent symbol for "dating"? If the heart only appears when someone makes some form of contact, then it would suggest that he has a profile set up.😳

Facebook Dating App - Notification
New posts on this thread. Refresh page