Ex-colleague

[BevMarsh]

Left my previous workplace a couple of months ago and recently met up for a coffee with ex-colleague who wanted to stay in touch.
I was happy to keep in touch thinking this would be the odd text and meet up a couple of times a year.
This person, despite knowing I have a new busy job, family etc etc is now calling and trying to get me to commit to certain meet-ups after asking what days I'm off work etc.
I feel cornered and find myself agreeing to meet up when I really don't have the time.
I've tried lying saying I'm not sure what days I'm off this next week however she replies with 'let me know when you find out' and has even told the local restaurant manager she will be booking a table one afternoon next week.
I would be happy to see her occasionally but this is just too much.
Suggestions please.

Why do people on MN find it so hard just to say no and set up boundaries. Why do they need advice on what to say people who are wanting things from them.
You simply tell her you're too busy as you're settling into a new job and.any spare time you have is already taken with other commitments, ie family. You've told her you will let her know when you're free to see her. So do exactly that, get in touch when you have time to see her - whether that be next week or next month. And if you have no intention of spending any time with her, then just never tell her you're free . Or you could just be blunt and tell her you're not interested in pursuing a friendship. Nobody can demand your time and attention if you're not willing or able to give it.

Op keep her vague. Work busy catch up soon.. yes some people are very intense

I’d just say I don’t have the time / capacity to meet up and give a date in about a month or so

I've tried lying saying I'm not sure what days I'm off this next week however she replies with 'let me know when you find out' and has even told the local restaurant manager she will be booking a table one afternoon next week.

Eh! And what did you say to that blinder? I would have struggled to keep a straight face tbh.

I would be nipping this one right in the bud because it’s started off far too intense.

You don’t owe her anything.

I would throw her a bone - “I have so much on with settling into the new job - let’s connect again in a couple of months to see how the land lies” ….. and then don’t initiate that ….. fade

Haha, are we being counselled on how to conduct friendships by Wikihow? That's sad, even by MN standards

I was dumbstruck.
She said it like I had no choice now as the manager would be expecting us.
She lives alone and admits to being lonely but to think she'd even gone to the local restaurant to tell them she'd be booking next week seems barmy and unbelievable. Or she didn't do this and instead is trying to manipulate me.🤔

I've received another text since my first post asking if I've looked at my work rota yet for the weekend and she knows I won't be working Sat AND Sun after working all week.

I may be ill and then follow the advice to be vague until I grow a backbone and set some boundaries.

• she thought this weekend would be better as she couldn't 'pin me down' next week😐

She’s highly irregular.

Cut her right off.

Oh boy, I must say she is persistent. I am sometimes too polite for my own good, but I would have to say something to get out of meeting up with her, if I did not want to. It is not always easy to rebuff people though, I know.

"sorry, busy" rinse and repeat

I had one of them "friends" who was very intense, did not read the room sort of gal. it is not your responsibility to keep her occupied or be on hand whenever she has a free time. Tell her you are busy and that you will be in touch soon.