Daughter just told us she was drugged and raped 4 years ago

PADDY17 · 2023-04-13T11:18:11+00:00

Admin have closed this as it I just brought up an old thread and I didn't know how to start my own one. I apologise to the originalal poster if I caused any stress, here is the link but I would really apprecate any advice as I am at a total loss as to what to do. [[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4610735-daughter-has-just-disclosed-rape?page=2&reply=125396189 https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4610735-daughter-has-just-disclosed-rape?page=2&reply=125396189]]

WTFJanice · 13/04/2023 12:24

PADDY17 · Today 10:34
Sorry to bring this thread up again but my DD (20) has just told me at the weekend that she was drugged and raped at a festival 4 years ago. I am devastated for her and do not know what to do. It explains a lot though. A huge change in her around that time and lots of mental health issues since.

How is your daughter now?

What really really kills me is that my daughters 2 friends left her alone to go meet 2 other guys. she was the third wheel so to speak. She said she searched for an hour for them, has no recollection of talking to anyone and rems drifting in and of conciousness and woke up in a toilet. When she eventually found her friends they told her it was her fault for going missing. But she didn't. Also why did they not help her? Why did they not get help there and then. Why did she hold on to this fpr 4 years. We could have had help for her.

I do not know what to do. I want to contact these girls and ask them why? Why did they leave her. I understand they were all young but my poor DD has never been right since and we have been through the mill and back. It has effected her life completely. I rang the rape crisis centre but there is a wait list of a year for counselling. We can go privately but can anyone reccomend a good counsellor. She has been to many counselling sessions over the years bit has never talked about this before so has never started to heal. I really feel I have failed her and I am so devastated. I cannot stop crying. I can only imagine how this has been for her.

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To avoid posters opening the original thread, I've C&Pd your post from it.

Original poster

PADDY17 · 13/04/2023 12:48

WTFJanice · 13/04/2023 12:24

PADDY17 · Today 10:34
Sorry to bring this thread up again but my DD (20) has just told me at the weekend that she was drugged and raped at a festival 4 years ago. I am devastated for her and do not know what to do. It explains a lot though. A huge change in her around that time and lots of mental health issues since.

How is your daughter now?

What really really kills me is that my daughters 2 friends left her alone to go meet 2 other guys. she was the third wheel so to speak. She said she searched for an hour for them, has no recollection of talking to anyone and rems drifting in and of conciousness and woke up in a toilet. When she eventually found her friends they told her it was her fault for going missing. But she didn't. Also why did they not help her? Why did they not get help there and then. Why did she hold on to this fpr 4 years. We could have had help for her.

I do not know what to do. I want to contact these girls and ask them why? Why did they leave her. I understand they were all young but my poor DD has never been right since and we have been through the mill and back. It has effected her life completely. I rang the rape crisis centre but there is a wait list of a year for counselling. We can go privately but can anyone reccomend a good counsellor. She has been to many counselling sessions over the years bit has never talked about this before so has never started to heal. I really feel I have failed her and I am so devastated. I cannot stop crying. I can only imagine how this has been for her.

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To avoid posters opening the original thread, I've C&Pd your post from it.

Thank you

OP posts:

daretodenim · 13/04/2023 13:08

Im so sorry this happened to her and she's been holding onto it for so long.

It's great that you're there to support her. I know you're feeling and angry but try hard not to display this to her.

As for finding a therapist, some things to look for would be a trauma therapist who has a long experience and postgraduate qualifications and been practicing EMDR for a while. Ideally I'd look for a "counselling psychologist" (that's the name of the doctorate level qualification). If this information isn't clear on the website then ask directly. It's not an area you want a trainee counsellor or someone who has followed an online course. or someone who offers rape counselling because they went through it themselves.

And put her on the waiting list too because you never know how the search will go, or if she'll click with someone you find. She can always come off the waiting list if she doesn't need it when she's top of it.

I would also look for some counselling for you too so you have a place to properly decompress everything you're rightly feeling. That will enable you to support her better.

Hugs to you both.

Original poster

PADDY17 · 13/04/2023 15:43

daretodenim · 13/04/2023 13:08

Im so sorry this happened to her and she's been holding onto it for so long.

It's great that you're there to support her. I know you're feeling and angry but try hard not to display this to her.

As for finding a therapist, some things to look for would be a trauma therapist who has a long experience and postgraduate qualifications and been practicing EMDR for a while. Ideally I'd look for a "counselling psychologist" (that's the name of the doctorate level qualification). If this information isn't clear on the website then ask directly. It's not an area you want a trainee counsellor or someone who has followed an online course. or someone who offers rape counselling because they went through it themselves.

And put her on the waiting list too because you never know how the search will go, or if she'll click with someone you find. She can always come off the waiting list if she doesn't need it when she's top of it.

I would also look for some counselling for you too so you have a place to properly decompress everything you're rightly feeling. That will enable you to support her better.

Hugs to you both.

Thank you for your reply.

I have emailed a therapist there that specialises in EMDR.

OP posts: