To take a break from my marriage

[Unlovedrn]

I need to have a talk with dh about us to have a break as i feel our 20 odd years relationship is not working and had not been for years.

Rn, our house is up for sale (anyway) but dh did something that i dont approve a few weeks ago (again and again...)..do i want to stay in this marriage.

What do i need to do before and after dh to leave for a break. We have got 3 children as well.

Or do we just have a break and see how things go? And how we feel?

What do you mean by break exactly?

Also what do i need to do in the meanwhile? Check around for an affordable solicitor if i decided to end it

How do i find out whats the cost is?

Are you going to move out ir expecting him to?
What did he do you 'don't approve of'?

Im hoping he will move out as i work as a childminder from home.

He gambled

He cant afford to pay the mortgage due to his 'not regular paid' self employed job.

Im paying 90% of all bills rn

If he's got a gambling problem then I would split up for good , having a break won't cure it.

@Exhibity yes you are right there. He is very complusive. He can go weeks without gambling (that i know of) and then suddenly when he is stressed, he blows it all his wages. (Takes money out of bank).... Dick!!

Im tryna do things slowly without upsetting the kids. Youngest is 10.

My middle child took an OD 2 and half yrs ago, that was related her squabbles with her friends. Her mindset is different now, not 100% but is much better, but im so scared about her.

In your shoes I would consult a solicitor to see where you stand before speaking to your husband. Whatever you learn from the solicitor will help you make decisions that suit you and your children. Even if you don't need their services you could ask Women's Aid for recommendations of solicitors in your area.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this, take your time to get it right

@cheeseandketchupsandwich dh to move out of our martial home to have a break. As i can't think whilst he's there most of the time

@Chewmeric thanks for your advice. I will search for a sols before to my dh.

As i can't think whilst he's there most of the time

Yes, you need the headspace to think about such important things without distractions.

Is he likely to move out if you ask him to? How will it be paid for if he can't be trusted with money?

Having that space is really important I think if at all possible. Having to grapple with life changing decisions whilst living with your DH makes a stressful situation even more stressful.

Having been through this myself, I don't think you necessarily need an extended break to clear the air and work out how to take things forward - a week or so is probably enough to decide if you want to make another go of it or to split for good.

Having said that, whilst I still think having a break is important to put you in a stronger place mentally, his behaviour sounds so destructive that, unless he seriously commits to sorting his gambling issues such as by handing you control of the family finances, then you're probably best leaving.

OP don't phrase it to him as a break if you're not prepared to deal with the fallout of him going off the rails when you're apart.

You need to be very clear with him what this 'break' means.

I just need this break to see if i miss him, if there is anything feelings for me to him still there, do i want him to be around or apart.

I just need my headspace to think