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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I being love bombed?

11 replies

coffeetofunction · 13/04/2023 11:21

Split with H 7 months ago, was not looking for anything new but I have met someone I really like.

My marriage wasn't great and I definitely checked out of it well before I asked H to leave. H had controlling and narcissistic habits which is why I'm questioning (I think).

I've met a lady that makes me happy. We laugh a lot both when together and over the phone ect. She tells me I'm beautiful and we discuss a future. We're sexually compatible, we both have similar incomes and commitments. We're both flexible and understand we can't always be available. We've both going to uni in September and plan to continue our long distance relationship for the next few years. She asks for nothing from me, she gives me space to be me and enjoy time with friends and family.

I seem to read the term love bombed or love bombing every time I look on MN and this is making me question if she is love bombing me or if this is actually what it's like in the beginning of a relationship when someone actually likes you.

OP posts:

liveforsummer · 13/04/2023 11:37

This doesn't sound like love bombing at all. Ime that's far more intense can't be apart etc. I doubt a love bomber would wish a LDR

Pseudonamed · 13/04/2023 11:40

Well if you are reciprocating are you love bombing her? Goes both ways.

Original poster

coffeetofunction · 13/04/2023 11:43

Pseudonamed · 13/04/2023 11:40

Well if you are reciprocating are you love bombing her? Goes both ways.

If I am it's not intentional but love bombing is a completely new concept to me.

OP posts:

YellowGreenBlue · 13/04/2023 11:43

Love bombing IMO is when one person is rushing things along very quickly in an intense way, eg saying they love you or they've never felt this way after a couple of dates, wanting to move in together very quickly etc. I think you're just describing a normal happy relationship OP!

Watchkeys · 13/04/2023 11:44

There's no way to know. Love bombing feels the same as when 2 people fall in love with each other. You don't know until they stop, and change behaviour.

Keep yourself emotionally protected. You've only known her a few months. Get to know her properly before making any sort of commitment, and even then, make sure you've got your own back. We should all, in healthy relationships, know and understand that if our partner left us/hurt us, we'd be hurt, but we would essentially be ok. We have to know that we could walk away if we were treated in a way that didn't suit us. If you know this, you can enter into relationships with a 'I hope and trust that all will be well' mindset, rather than 'God, I hope this doesn't go wrong and mess me up...'

GoodChat · 13/04/2023 11:49

It's not love bombing. You're just not used to being with someone who actually likes, appreciates and respects you.

Watchkeys · 13/04/2023 11:56

GoodChat · 13/04/2023 11:49

It's not love bombing. You're just not used to being with someone who actually likes, appreciates and respects you.

This really can't be stated as if it's a fact. Any relationship that appears good at the start could be love bombing. It's a very clever tactic that makes the victim feel they're getting the relationship they want, so it's not all about full-on romantic gestures.

Much safer to recognise that you don't know.

GoodChat · 13/04/2023 12:05

@Watchkeys every relationship at the start seems good - but is there anything at all in the OP to suggest love bombing or that raises a single red flag?

Watchkeys · 13/04/2023 12:49

GoodChat · 13/04/2023 12:05

@Watchkeys every relationship at the start seems good - but is there anything at all in the OP to suggest love bombing or that raises a single red flag?

No. And nor is there in many situations that turn out to be love bombing. It's not about watching for 'signs', it's about knowing what to do if things start to feel wrong. I mean that's what it feels like when there are signs, anyway... things just feel a bit wrong, a bit much, a bit heavy.

There doesn't have to be a 'red flag'. Abuse doesn't come with warnings from the off, it can take a while for masks to slip, and until they do, everything seems lovely.

Mumofnarnia · 13/04/2023 13:47

liveforsummer · 13/04/2023 11:37

This doesn't sound like love bombing at all. Ime that's far more intense can't be apart etc. I doubt a love bomber would wish a LDR

Funnily enough me and my narcissistic ex were in a LDR when we first met and we dated for a long time. It just means they have to maintain the love bombing phase for longer until you finally move in with them and then comes the devaluation stage and the reality of who they really are.

However you are right and the op doesn’t seem to be being live bombed.

Teddysmumma · 09/06/2023 01:50

I think you seem very content in what you’re saying about this relationship and if you’re worried about love bombing then compare it to your previous relationship?
I came out of an awful relationship last year and 11 months down the line finally decided I wanted to meet someone, I don’t want to be on my own forever! So met him online as I have 2 boys and don’t get out much, he seemed so nice the first couple of weeks showering me with compliments and we met after 3 weeks, was lovely and really enjoyed his company. Since then he’s gone full on saying I’m his future wife, he’s put my picture as his screensaver and even talked about moving into his house with my boys. I feel massively uncomfortable about this but also embarrassed to tell any of my friends or family. I don’t know if he’s just being a genuine nice person or is this love bombing??

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