Single, No kids, feeling hopeless

[FeelingSoSad38]

Hi, I’ve read so many posts since finding this site a year ago and finally decided to post as Il feeling so desperately sad and people on here always seem like such a supportive bunch.

I’m 38F, I met a Peter Pan guy in 2020 who I fell for even though he seemed emotionally unavailable as I hadn’t met someone I clicked with in a long time. We dated for a year before I got tired of him not giving me what a needed and I ended it. After just over a week he came back and said he wanted a relationship and as we were both older and he knew I wanted kids he said we should just see if it happened and that he couldn’t wait to start a family with me.

The months went by and the relationship was pretty good and he’d made quite a few changes and I was excited about our life together. I hadn’t got pregnant after a few months so started to take it a bit more seriously and went for a few tests which seemed ok. He was meant to go for tests but kept putting it off. Then one day he said he didn’t think he wanted kids. From all his previous behaviour I felt he was messing me around so I ended it.

I then decided to do egg freezing and found out I have low egg reserve but was still trying to go ahead with it. I then started to get bad peri symptoms and am now going for tests to confirm premature menopause so looks like I’ll never have biological children :(. I feel so sad about this and about the rest of my life now and to top it off yesterday I saw that my ex has a new gf while I’m still single.

I just feel my life has felt so unfair and I feel so hopeless. I would never kill myself but if there was an option to click my fingers and it would all be over I would.

Thanks if you’ve read this. Anyone been through anything similar or have any advice, although I don’t know what I’m hoping for

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. It must have been very tough bit we'll done for being proactive.

Are you at all open to the idea of using an egg donor or adopting an embryo? That would be a chance at least to try and have a family of your own. Are you aware of Donor Conception Network? They have a lot of resources regarding these queries.

I'm a solo mother by choice and used a sperm donor to conceive, I appreciate it's not the same predicament you are in, but half of the problem with not meeting someone in time is letting go of the idea of what you had imagined and adjusting to new ideas. Not easy and that can take time.

My life is not what I had envisaged but I genuinely wouldn't change it (and I had spent over 20 years dating so clearly wanted a partner!). Raising your child is what makes a family, not necessarily the genetics.

Thanks for your response @anthurium I’ve read so many of your responses on other threads and it sounds like it’s worked out well for you becoming a SMBC. When I initially read these threads I thought about doing that myself and that I could meet a partner later but due to my fertility issues it’s unlikely it would work for me.

Egg donation would not be something I would completely rule out in the future but not while single.